This concept was oroginally invented by Arthur Schopenhauer and is based on the false idea concerning the spikes hedgehogs have. The dilemma is that the closer two beings come to each other, the more likely they are to hurt one another; however if they remain apart, they will each feel the pain of loneliness.
I want to care someone, even if it means to get hurt (Belgium... that sounded like something from an American drama soap opera for straight teenagers).
The job interview didn't go as well as I hoped. I went there ten minutes too early and probably interrupted something my interviewr was doing when she was called up to her office ten minutes earlier than was scheduled; I think one of the other emplyees noticed me when I was waiting the clock to strike ten and notified her I was already there. The whole interview was qute unlike those I've been before. She just went on about the schedules and shifts and the pay check and so on instead of asking me about my earlier experience, and why I applied there, and what makes me so good to be worthy of their employment... all the usual questions I had prepared to answer. I think I should have emphasised that what I cannot do I'll do my best to learn, that I can't promise any more than that, yet none less than that either. Well, if she chose me to be one of the new employees for next summer, she'll give me a call next Tuesday. Now I have a really good reason to wake up to watch Spongebob Squarepants.
- - -
Some dachshund kept staring at me as I was walking by today. Can you imagine having that kind of freedom to stare without a single blink that only animals and human children have. And the rest of us only when the object isn't looking back. What animal (other than human, that is) would you be if you were to reincarnate as an animal? I have to say I am intrigued by the following:
Penguins: They're just so cute, and then I wouldn't have to tolerate hot summers. Whohoo!
Bat: Since I'm a bat already... and besides, I could live in the night. This would mean I'd had to share the same air space with moths, though.
Jellyfish: preferably the Turritopsis nutricula, which is actually immortal since it goes back to the polyp (birth) stage as soon as it reaches its sexual maturity; imagine: just floating in the sea whole day and sting anyone who comes too close. But then again, a Jellyfish Salad is considered a delicacy in Japan and China. That's just cruel; how can anyone want to eat something as beautiful as Aurelia aurita, the Moon Jelly below?
Let us begin with something completely outrageous and unacceptable: I passed my phonetics exam this morning without either reading a word from the course book or even glancing at my phonetics notes. When I stepped into the class I wasn't even sure we were going to have an exam. I'm a bad person and even worse student (now I keep grinning broadly). I had one hell of luck to take part in such an easy exam even though everyone kept telling me (including the teacher) that the course is most difficult to pass in this level. "You've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" Yes. I don't even care if the grade will lower my overall average (which is 4.5; zip it, Triplet!).
- - -
The translation I was ranting and raving about yesterday decided to acknowledge my existence today. An hour before the lecture started. Not a minute too early, if you ask me. Although I swore never to play with that programme again (and therefore with the printer as well), I have to say I'm quite proud of myself. The teacher thought I had taken it from the web. But she knows me and my writing style well enough not to think I did. I wouldn't do that. Especially to her. We ended up talking about many other things as I was leaving the classroom. It turned out Wanderer has very similar political views as I do. It's sometimes a little scary to notice how much we're alike. But on the other hand (even if this could be considered too friendly) it's nice to know there's someone I can talk to and not having to be afraid they'll judge me. I think I shouldn't be saying this but she really is more a mother to me than my own mother (at least as far as 'mother' is defined as I do). Terrible thing to say now that my parents are just returning to Finland from their holiday in Tenerife. During the two weeks they've been there I have thought of them thrice: once they sent me an SMS, twice my relatives mentioned them over the phone. Does this make me a horrible person or am I just human for I only need acceptance and caring? Maybe I'm not that much of a hattifattener after all.
- - -
The Meme of the Day:
I have some of the BodyCombat songs going on in my head. I haven't yet memorised the new programme well enough to remember whether is in the beginning, in the middle or in the end. I saw Her today. She smiled and said 'Hello'.
Can I please just keep dreaming of Her?
Pretty please?
Just a little?
Now I have another song playing in my head. It's from the second Blair Witch Project. "Haunted" by Poe.
Come here
Pretty please
Can you tell me where I am
You won't you say something
I need to get my bearings
I'm lost
And the shadows keep on changing
And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head
Why do all these printers and copying machines hate me? Why do they always have to go on Bartleby mode when I would need them to work the most.
"I would prefer not to." This text could just get written on the printer's screen in 'Blood' kind of way.
I just checked every possible thing that Í can think of could be wrong; there is enough paper in both trays, there is ink, there is no paper jammed inside the printer, and it is even willing to print out the document directory. It just won't print out my cartoon translation. Damn it!
20:14
Okay, I just came back from BodyCombat. She was there, too. She hadn’t been there for about two months; I wonder what She’s been doing. It also became clear I’m not as over Her as I thought; I still tried to implicitly impress her with my illusionary superhuman Combat skills. Superhuman… right. I hadn’t been there for two weeks, and anyone could tell that quite easily. Now I am going to be an active citizen and follow the count of votes.
20:15
I do hope Tarja Cronberg gets her place in the Parliament.
20:16
Juha Mieto got elected. Okay…Bjarne Kallis, blaah. And Raimo Vistbacka, another blaah.
20:31
Time for the news. It’s unlikely that the person I voted for is going to get elected, but at least I have a clear conscience. I know there are people who vote for those that are likely to get in than those whose thoughts and values are closer to their own. I have trouble understanding that kind of behaviour. But hey; Oras Tynkkynen got elected! I’m prone to say that my goal in these elections has been achieved. Of course I couldn’t vote for him since I don’t live in that particular area but I’m still very glad that we have at least one LGBT Member of Parliament. After all, the idea of Parliament is to stand for the Finnish people, to be some sort of a mini-version of Finland.
20:37
So, the sexiest farmer in Finland has got 517 votes. Well, if we compare that number with the number of votes Juha Mieto has got, 7864 (who is actually l i k e l y to get in) , there probably isn’t much danger of H.O. having a seat in the forthcoming Parliament.
20:43
Now he has 540 votes. They have counted 44,3 per cent of all votes. Okay, Vistbacka has ten times as much votes and he is on the list of ‘likely to be elected’. Again, no danger.
20:46
I just gave Räsänen the finger. Very mature.
20:48
I wonder… why the Green and the True Finns worked together in these elections? Their ideologies seem to me quite far from each other.
20:52
Is Anja Snellman running for Parliament? In which party? That was news to me. I would like to recommend her novel, Geography of Fear (Pelon maantiede). It’s true; women don’t rape but might avenge to those who do. No, she’s just commenting the results.
20:55
Lasse Hautala seems to get re-elected. I saw his ad a couple of weeks ago; think of a stereotypical, ideal image of an American suburban and you have an idea what that ad looked like. Three family portraits, each and every one of them polished to the tiniest detail; the wife (a teacher, naturally) in white clothes sitting in the middle in a chair holding their new-born child in her arms; the two sons standing on each side of their mother, both of them wearing identical clothes and exactly the haircut; and then the father, L.H., standing behind them all wearing seemingly easy-going clothes and smiling that false smile (really; if you cover up his mouth and only watch the eyes… the eyes are not smiling, they look angry). Hautala is a true politician, I have to give him that: he knows what people want to see and he exploits that to achieve his own ends (a huge salary, among other things).
21:03
“Pikku G, Pikku G, mitä sä teet, Pikku G, Pikku G?” Good question.
21:07
The Sexiest Farmer has fallen off the list on YLE’s teletext pages.
21:09
Oh. He’s back with a bit over 800 votes. 57 per cent of votes counted. I think I’m going to play Tetris.
21:23
Level seven and 4110 points.
21:29
I wonder how much those television cameras weigh? I mean, there are plenty of cameramen in Iso Paja carrying them around all night.
21:32
Good, no change in the seats the Green are getting for the next four years now that seventy per cent of all votes have been counted. This is, however, shadowed by the evaluation according to which the Christian Democrats are getting one seat more than last year. Well, things can change…
21:44
Tommy Taberman… that would be interesting. The Finnish Shakespeare if you ask me… I wonder what’s his position in LGBT matters?
21:47
Jokainen
joka on pidellyt
aaltojen silittämää
kiveä kädessään
tietää
että jatkuvilla hyväilyillä
on ihmeitä tekevä voima
Tommy Taberman
21:49
The Greens are getting one more seat in the Parliament for next four years. In your face, CDs!
21:58
Lasse Hautala hasn’t been re-elected. *maniacal laughter*
21:59
Q: Pitäisikö rekisteröidyssä parisuhteessa eläville homo- ja lesbopareille sallia adoptio-oikeus?
TT: Kyllä, heille tulisi sallia samat oikeudet kuin avioliitossa oleville.
”Mutta niin kuin kaikki heterot eivät ole vanhemmiksi sopivia, eivät myöskään kaikki lesbot ja homot. Mikään automaatti ei siis tule kyseeseen.”
That’s exactly what it is supposed to be, equal, nothing more but nothing less either. Thank you, Taberman.
22:19
Looks like Taberman is going to get elected. Maybe we’ll get that “rakasteluvapaa” after all… =)
22:22
Good, Zahra Abdulla is getting to the Parliament. Now we have an MP with an immigrant background. According to the Statistics Finland (Tilastokeskus) there were 113 852 immigrants in Finland in 2005. This means that over two per cent of the Finnish population had an immigrant background in 2005. I already said it once but I’ll say it again: the idea of Parliament is to stand for the Finnish people, to be some sort of a mini-version of Finland. Now we have that part of Finland officially represented in the Parliament.
22:34
95 per cent of votes counted and the Sexiest Farmer is off the YLE list again.
22:36
Wau, my district’s voting percentage is the highest in whole Finland. But where were the 32.2 per cent of the Finnish voters? Shame on you!
23:05
Rosa Meriläinen has absolutely enticing laughter. Makes me smile, too…=)
23:07
Okay, Cronberg didn’t get re-elected. I do think she’ll continue in her position as the leader of the Green, though.
23:20
Juha Mieto is wearing the Jussi shirt! Too bad the guy is against the LGBT adoption rights.
23:35
In the end, Zahra Abdulla didn’t get elected. This is really a big loss, the immigrant should be represented in the Parliament. Taberman did get elected, though. Yee-ha! But Ilkka Kantola? The ex-bishop? Got elected? And Oras Tynkkynen continues to represent the LGBT community.
But let’s look at the bright side; the Green party got 15 seats whereas the Christian Democrats got seven.
- - -
00.02
No memes today; I’ve been sitting by the computer the last four hours. I want to finish my homework and go to bed.
It's Saturday night and I am watching Angels in America with my other eye and doing my homework with the other. I'm not very motivated to do the homework currently, though. The TV-series is more interesting, all though I've seen it twice already. Points to Meryl Streep and Emma Thompson. I can't wait for the last chapter; Thompson looks extremely sexy in that black dress of hers. And I would be lying if I said I didn't look forward seeing Streep and Thompson kiss...
"In the new millennium we will all be insane." There's no denying that whenever you watch the news or read the day's paper.
- - -
Damn, I'm horny! Since I have no ability to approach any woman I guess the only option left is to break the law and have sex with a prostitute. I know... actually, I've thought of this before so it's not just a desperate consequence of the rapid loss of feeling, the emptiness She created this week.
I would just want to feel another woman's warm skin on my fingers, to hear her heavy breath and feel it on my skin... to feel her hands on my body... to see the pearls of sweat gleaming on her skin and taste it that sweat as I kiss every inch of her body... to feel her nails scratch my back as I slide my tongue and taste her...
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
I need to get this out of my system!!!!!!!!
- - -
Okay, let’s calm down.
The Meme of the Day:
The Dalai Lama’s Instructions for Life
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three ‘R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realise you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Here is also Wanderer’s adding, the 20th principle:
20. Remember that when there is a new love, no love is taken away from old loves: the new love is added to increase the sum total of love in your life. The more love is shared in your life, the more you have.
- - -
For the picture I would like to thank Myyrä; that one I find vary comforting.
So, Rokkihomo decided to challenge me to name six things in me and my life that I like. Have you, by the way, noticed that these challenges are always self-centred. Well, I suppose it figures. And the narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniacs such as myself are thrilled. Pardon the repetition, I have a feeling I've used that phrase before.
The rules for this game: the blogger who has been challenged is to name six things in themselves and in their lives that they like. Preferably, those things should be something more peculiar than work or the significant other, for instance. Once you've done this, challenge six more people, notify them of this challenge and pass on the rules (and the place where to find them). Don't forget to write the rules down in your own blog as well.
But the six things. You know, exactly five years ago making this list would really have been a challenge with a capital C. Okay, I got side-tracked again, my apologies. And again, no special order.
1) I like my seemingly infinite thirst for knowledge, be it factual or emotional. I've already explained what constitutes the meaning of my life, and this is an essential part of it. As a result, I have a really vast collection of books, from many different areas. This craving for knowledge has also been many times misinterpreted as sucking up to teachers; actually I really am interested in knowing those things. The subject in question would probably also include my intelligence. There have been, and there will be, times when I wish I were more intelligent, but at the present time I'm satisfied with the way my brain currently functions. And as for my father, who told me t w i c e not to bother to apply to high school because I'm too stupid to get in... "what a sad, old man you are" (Ricky Fitts, American Beauty). I would also like to add to the list the word 'pathetic'.
2) I'm very fond of my current home town. Someone once said (might have been in the movie 'Blow', come to think of it) that when you no longer feel you would want to be anywhere else but where you are at that moment you are happy. For the first time in my life I'm happy.
3) I am grateful that I have someone in my life I feel I can talk to pretty much about anything. Thank you, Wanderer, for being so patient with me and incredibly good. And even though paraphrasing Virginia Woolf wasn't the intention, let me quote her anyway; thank you for giving me "certainty of your goodness". Thank you allowing me to see you as my emotional mother. Your children have one of the best mothers I can think of.
4) I like my way of writing. Last Thursday (the Reckoning, I would say) someone just said that the language I use is very poetic, albeit complex, as is my vocabulary. I am actually quite proud of these.
5) I like the fact that I have enough guts to be me, and not to be altered into something else even though the surroundings don't always make the path I've chosen easy. After all, a branch doesn't break but bends. Likewise, I adjust to my surroundings but I'm not willing to change. Peaceful co-existence is once again the keyword. This category also includes one of the things most important to me: my independence. I'm not forced to do things I don't want to do, and I'm not tied to things against my will, though I may be slightly resentful for some minor details...
6) I like my X-philia, and all other object of my interest, manga and heavy metal and literature, to name a few. I can consider myself lucky for having these passions in my life. You wouldn't believe how much energy I get from Scully and Mulder alone.
And the ones to get challenged:
Coco and Mika. Not six, I know, but hey, it's two more than earlier.
Does anyone recall Mark Twain saying that there are three kind of lies: lies, huge lies and statistics?
- - -
The Meme of the Day (since it is one in the morning already):
My result which, quite frankly, was not that surprising (but exiting nonetheless):
”You scored as FBI’s X-Files Division. You are part of a super secret section of the FBI. You also have the very cool status of ‘Special Agent’. You believe in many conspiracies and know the government is covering up way too much. Now if only you could make the Cigarette Smoking Man to stop providing you with the second-hand smoke.”
My top 5 sci-fi crews:
FBI’s X-Files Division (The X-Files) – 94%
Bepop (Cowboy Bepop) – 81%
Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) – 75%
Serenity (Firefly) – 75%
Enterprise D (Star Trek) – 63%
1. I saw Her today. She was right there within the reach of my touch, but not once did I even imagine touching her. A month ago one of my teachers mentioned that he loses his interest on another if he knows they're out of his reach. Then I found it utterly incomprehensible that you could stop liking someone just because they're not yours to have. Now I have experienced that lack of feeling myself. In a way it's a rather scary idea; to know that one sentence, one word can change the course of my life.
2. I had an ex tempore presentation in front of about sixty people. Sixty! I'm now talking about the 'Bush and the English language' presentation, but it wasn't supposed to be the kind of a presentation where you stand in front of the class. I actually did it free willingly, way beyond the course requirements. Well, technically speaking I was sitting, and the presentations are required by the teacher, though not the transparencies I had.
3. I have been social. On one of my lectures there was a co-student I hadn't seen in a while. Anyway, she came to sit next to me (alas, she had a column to block her view to the blackboard so she had to move closer to me to see, and said "not that I'm coming on to you or anything") and after the class was over, we walked to the market square together. Can you believe it; I actually talked to her for about twenty minutes. I guess that makes today's sociality quota full, which means that for the rest of the day I don't have to tire my already disused vocal cords (unless I start talking to myself again, or want to comment 'Bowling for Columbine' out loud).
4. I topped myself while doing my best to dig the highest possible grade out of the translation (a Donald Duck cartoon) for this week. I managed to learn to use the scanner on my own as well as use the photoshop programme, and actually get the results I wanted. I am not only a mediocre writer but also a tolerable technician. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! Now the only thing left is to type in my English translation and make them fit in the given speech bubbles. I think I'll do just fine.
Did I really get my heart beaten last night? Doesn't really sound like my usual behaviour when a negative thing occurs. Although I have to admit that I may have had some relief out of shopping; in my case the term means I've increased the annual income of the local Suomalainen quite nicely. These are the books that I found and now wait in my bag to get their place in my bookcase:
Lars Bugge: Parhaat salaliittoteoriat (Bazar)
Paulo Coelho: The Zahir (Harper Collins)
Roman Schatz: Suomesta, rakkaudella (Johnny Klinga)
In addition to these, I got Paulo Coelho's calendar for this year. My previous calendar is being torn asunder every time I open it, so I need to replace it before it breaks down completely in the worst possible moment.
- - -
The Meme of the Day:
We are back in the quizzes. This time I came across with the following.
In Greek mythology the Moirae were to decide the fates of mortals whose threads of life lay in their hands. They, Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos, were the ones to determine the course of events in people's lives. It is my conclusion that these three women took on me today with the job interview with which they softened the blow I was to have later.
... She is straight. She said She once had difficulties in understanding homosexuality because it didn't concern Her.
I was already ready to accept nothing was ever going to happen between us, whatever the circumstances, so why does this hurt so much?
I was supposed to write something else but as I logged in I got an interesting and v e r y enlighting phone call. It was someone calling me to come to a job interview. I do hope I'm going to make an excellent impression; the Triplet would like to add that I've recently (since last autumn, actually) been on a very good mood, which reflects in my behaviour in a positive way. I really would like to have this job; it's my idea of the perfect summer job, mainly because it doesn't include talking whole day like in telemarketing (which I can recommend to everyone; nothing boosts your motivation better than having to phone to people who don't want you to call them and who are more than eager to tell you so). Even the time would be perfect: from June to August, and I would even have two weeks for a summer holiday. I think I'm going to go to the Xtreme park in Eastern Finland during those two weeks, if I get the job. I'm happy the interview is scheduled for Wednesday.
So, thumbs up, people! If I'm able to get the job there will be less complaining here. Maybe a little amount of mean and sarcastic remarks due to the malicious pleasure I'd get out of the idea that I have that job and some people have to do telemarketing.
I'll add the Meme of the Day later, I can't come up with anything right now, my head is too deep in the pink clouds floating on the blue firmament.
