Everytime the same thing. I see drunks in my vicinity, I go on a Fight-or-Flight mode. It doesn't matter whether they're batshit drunk or just getting taking something or with a hangover.
Today I went to Hesburger around noon and two drunks were there before me on the line. I've seen them both before: they're the same ones that hang around the market square all day long. These two... the other is in a wheelchair, I think his legs are amputated. The other was the usual skinny, bearded and smelly variety. I kept my distance to them and stayed back when they went to the table. I had so many moods going on in my head. On one hand, my loathing for drunks, my fear (knowing perfectly well that drunks are very unpredictable), my pity (for them being in that state where drinking has become their solution), my whatifs (would my father have become like them in the end, wondering without a job and a home and the only people to call family would be the fellow-drunks, living from hand-to-mouth), my disappointment (with myself for not being able to let got of this, not being able to not go to the fight or flight mode, not being able to act normal around them, not being able to not let my past affect me this much still)...
The second first lecture of this academic year and I'm not there. Not because I'd preferred sleeping but because I sprained my ankle. Lovely. Not exactly the way I'd like to start a new year but no can do.
Note to self: read books while walking ONLY on main roads.
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Additional observation to the previous entry: I quit last Monday. Felt a whole lot better right after saying that. :)
Another work-related entry. This firm is really testing my patience. Yesterday there was a problem that pissed me off pretty nicely. Today I get that sorted out and now I have a brand new reason to be even more pissed than yesterday.
My work station today was next to a blabber blabber guy and a young woman. The guy gave me the third degree:
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
I guess my tone had some undertone in it that I didn't hear because the next question went thus:
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No, not at the moment."
Clearly the guy was after my marital status (for reasons I just plain don't get.. again!) and what happens: he doesn't really even bother to conceal it as he jumped up and ran to the supervisor/colleague to talk about me. Now, this isn't even me being paranoid: he pointed at me and the supervisor looked at me. I mean FUCK! What is he, a fucking mentally teen asshole. And the "best" part was "with" the female. She's a gypsy and the tradition there is very homophobic. So what do I get? I have to get up from my chair and bend down to get a wire away from the chair's roller so I won't break anything. And her reaction? She made the guy ask me if I'd dropped my pen and I explained no, that it's the wire that keeps getting stuck on the chair roller. And then she did something I've only heard of before: she left hurriedly to the bathroom explaining as she went that she really needed to do that. Coming back she explained rather loudly something about "personal reasons".
I'm already wondering what tomorrow will bring as if she or anyone else tries to pull something like that again, I'm going to have to speak up. And maybe, just maybe, I'm actually not going to be so hurt I can't think of anything even remotely clever to shut them up for good.
It seems that many of you are working, so I assume you have some experience on this matter. I remember Aboa mentioning of a colleague who kept referring to his husband as his "wife" knowing perfectly well he is a he. So what the fuck are we supposed to do this type of situations, especially when the superiors don't have the spine to cut it out once and for all. I mean, hello! It's not like she doesn't know about this, she was there and part of the gossiping circle, goddamit!!!
~Note bene: I wrote this last night but the bloody computer jammed up and refused to upload it~
Just like to share this with you: about a week and a half ago on Saturday I had an energy surge and ended up cleaning my flat like never before after I moved in. In the same activity euphoria I ended up putting job application to different places, mainly telemarketing companies since they're the ones that have most of the jobs available. A few days after that I had a phone call and an invitation to an interview. Five days ago I walk out of the door with a job. And today was my first day. Very fast, indeed.
I was a bit nervous.. because I wasn't nervous about the job at all. Maybe the previous telemarketing thing a few years back was just so unpleasant that this couldn't possibly go worse. And it didn't. I was actually the first of us five newbies who made a deal! And the place is okay, AND the bosses are women!
There's a company weekend coming up. I was asked to go there but I'm still not in favour of it. I mean, to go to a remote place, too far to just pop in and go back home, with a bunch of people I just met today, who are planning to get drunk. My mentor specifically asked me later again; maybe I'm a human experiment to see if the selling tactiques work on humans as well, or maybe she'd like not to be the only one not drinking there. I really don't know what to do with that. To go to a place I most likely won't like (I just can't help imagining the bloody ABI-risteily... aaarghh!) or risk being labelled unsocial spoilsport not really committing myself to the people I work with.
Any advice, anyone, on this one?
...The trip does make me think of my trips to Menkijärvi when I was a kid. My family and my mother's parents used to rent a cabin there and spend a few days there, swimming, barbecuing, picking berries, swimming a bit more... I really liked it. I don't know why we stopped one year. Later on I've discovered there was some double murder or something in the area and another murder or something soon after that. Dunno.
Anyway, one night isn't that bad, right? And I'm still in the same town so theoretically I could walk back home if absolutely necessary. Granted, I would have to start right in the morning but it's unlikely I'd have to take such drastic measures in getting out of there. But then again... watching my colleagues and bosses get drunk and potentially make complete fools of themselves just might not be the best way to begin my career in a company.
~And this bit I wrote just now :)~
But now I'm getting ready to go to work. Perhaps this morning shift wasn't such a bad idea, at least for now I'm not that tired. But I do need to fix the timetables; yesterday I just threw in random numbers, today I need to change them to be a bit more accurate. I mean, I'm a part-timer, so no reason to go above the 20-hour quota too much.
