Lots of things have been happening this spring. My depression kicked on overhaul and messed up my life very effectively. Now an open patient in a hospital's psychiatric unit. New meds that I'm still trying to get used to. Fucked up monetary situation that just reached an all-time low.
All this drove me to make a decision: I told my grandma (maternal side) about some of this. I haven't told her about my depression before; actually, only one in my family knew about it before this. It's not because I don't trust her; shit, I trust her more than I trust myself and she knows more about me and things in my life than pretty much anyone else. I've just been worried she would start worrying about me and I don't want her to do that.
It's just so odd. Feeling like shit and when I shared these things with her, everything seems so much better. Hell, I even feel physically better now that I'm not on the brink of throwing up. There are some things left to tell her; I decided I'd break these things to her in smaller pieces. Also, it's easier to me since I started crying and snivelling right after getting the words "diagnosed with severe depression" out of me. I probably wouldn't be able to do this all at once. But like I said, I feel so much better. Okay, so writing about this makes me cry (again) but it sure isn't out of sadness; I'm actually happier and this makes me cry. We humans are a weird bunch, aren't we? I think only one other person has been able to make me cry for happiness and that's a cousin of mine (age about three at the time) who told me out of the blue how she loves me. Quite possibly one of the most honest things I've ever been told and I don't (or didn't) question her sincerity one iota.
And now Minecraft á la Mindcrack. Beef and Baj will make me laugh, I bet. Maybe Beef has uploaded another Deathly Trails episode; that's guaranteed to cheer me up even more. And perhaps a bit Happy Wheels (online game for those of us who appreciate black humor and South Parkish animation of blood and guts xD).
"Peace out, girl scouts" and so on. ;)