The Other World

Good evening, sweeties!

Whoever said that people only write in their diaries when they have a bad day and want to complain and dwell in self-pity?

Abso-fucking-lutely a wonderful day! I woke up an hour before the alarm clock set a nine o'clock, and got a punch of household chores done before setting my foot in the gym: first BodyPump, followed by BodyBalance. I discovered that adding weights in Pump is recommended to do when you are *not* planning to attend another class right after. I could feel my legs shaking in the Three-legged Dog and the Pyramid so much that others probably noticed it too if they looked at my way. Ouch. But nowhere near how much it's going to hurt tomorrow morning. ;)

Later on I cleaned my closet (pun unintended) and now it's remotely orderly. I have to remember to call SPR on Monday to pick up some of the stuff that can still be used, and may be useful for someone else than me. Donating flower-patterned sheet I got as a present isn't such a bad thing, is it? I mean, the sheets help me to help someone else, so it's not that bad, and really it's the thought that counts.

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I have an appointment with my therapist next week. She's obsessed with my social life -or my *non-existing* social life, to be precise. I don't know what she expects of me; I'm not going to pretend to be social and go to a bar (besides, they're all straight here anyway) and get wasted. I don't even drink alcohol, damn it! I consider it a waste of time unless there's a band I like performing (which happens far too rarely). Fuck I will start behaving like the majority to make friends that wouldn't even be actual friends since they would most likely be drunk as hell and remember nothing, not to mention that lying/pretending/faking isn't exactly the best possible basis for a relationship. Even a mockery of a human being the social animal (= me) can see this.

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Playing now:
'Transitory' by After Forever. Absolutely one of the gems on the album. And, yes, I am currently having an After Forever phase. I'm like a spree killer when it comes to music; spring 2006 went by listening costantly to Sonata Arctica and the summer 2006 was dedicated to Lacuna Coil. Last summer was much a combination of Sonata and Velcra. I wonder if they're coming to my town anywhere near future?

We have this IT course at the Polytechnic at the moment and, as the final paper, we are to write a ten-page paper with tables and all of a subject of our own choice. I pondered the subject for a great while; should I go the easiest way and just do as one of my classmates and copy my Bachelor's Thesis, only having to change the citations to match the school's own writing rules(somewhat different from those of the university)? Or should I write a whole new paper of something? For a while I thought of doing a study of the categorisation of metal and its subcategories based on a terminology theory. Then I thought of analysing the lyrics of a certain band (After Forever, Nightwish, Sonata Arctica, Velcra) based on their themes or by analysing them through Halliday's systemic-functional grammar or focus on one of its levels (seriously, I could write an entire Master's Thesis with only one; all three would make up a bloody doctorate). No.

Today I finally decided to write about something that also leaves the linguistics behind and comes quite close to actual nursing since that is what we study. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce... the mysterious G-spot! Since I've read all these sexology books about female anatomy and sexuality, why not actually use all that knowledge? So, with a little help from Alfred Kinsey, Kari Heusala, Violet Blue and Felice Newman I'll be able to come up with an interesting and thorough piece involving the development of the G-spot. I think I'll concentrate on the female G-spot only. I really don't want to waste any pages on writing about men; mentioning in a subclause that men have one too is enough.

I think I want to write down the main sources and different title possibilities, and a preliminary structure for the essay. I'll enjoy this assignment. I wonder how strict that ten pages is? But how am I going to include a chart? What can I make a chart of? Have a poll in the school corridors: how many men/women know its location? Or think they know?

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Listening now:
'Beneath' by After Forever

A piece of advice: if only possible, try to avoid the infamous glucose tolerance test (in Finnish: sokerirasitustesti). That liquid is somewhat disgusting, especially after a twelve-hour fast including nothing but a glass of water in the morning. Cold water has rarely tasted so good.

Now I just have to wait for the results. Since I had an extensive bloowork done at the same time I have to wait till February even though the glucose test's results have been clear today already.

I'm just wondering why the doctor made me go to that test in the first place. I mean, most of the time the test is used to determine temporary diabetes on pregnant women. I should think I have made it quite clear to the doctor that I am not pregnant, nor have I noticed any symptoms indicating I could have diabetes. Hmm... maybe it's because my mother got diagnosed with diabetes while her stay at the hospital after the stroke. Ah, well; at least the bloody thing is done. Now I just have to wait for the results with my nails very recently polished black. I'm sure all the conservative teachers at the Polytechnic will be thrilled.. ;)

http://www.quizilla.com/users/SnowBlack/quizzes/Which%20Female%20Metalist%20are%20you%20most%20like%3F

Okay, a nice little quiz (and well crafted, too!) that I got from none other than Simone Simons herself (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=93786693)!!!

And my result was as follows: "You are Simone Simons of Epica. You are opinionated, logical, on a constant journey for the truth. You refuse to let others hold you down or influence you. You're a free thinker."

Other results would have been the following:
Floor Jansen of After Forever
Sharon den Adel of Within Temptation
Vibeke Stene of Tristania
Angela Gossow of Arch Enemy
Tarja Turunen of Nightwish (ex)
Cristina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil

I think the only one I am not, yet, familiar with was Vibeke Stene. I have to correct that one soon.

I went to see Alien vs. Predator 2 this evening. I have to admit that the beginning wasn't very promising but it got better towards the end. There were just a few things I didn't quite comprehend, like why Predator skinned that one guy when he posed no visible threat to him. Ah, well, at least he was the good guy. And he can turn invisible.

One involuntary chuckle got out of my mouth at one point before I could stop it. It was just so funny for that one woman, Darcy I think, to say in such a naïve tone that "the government doesn't lie". Yeah. Sure. Right. I have to admit that there was one thing I found extremely icky; the Alien queen attacking the pregnant women. I mean seriously, it was disgusting to watch several aliens breaking out of the woman's womb where her baby had been hours before. Damn... this baby fever thing has made me all weird.

It had begun snowing shortly before I got out of the theatre. It was so nice for the first time this winter to walk home with snow flakes falling on me.

I have to remember to book a two-week vacation to Morocco next winter.

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Now playing:
'Sins of Idealism' by After Forever.

Have you ever had some word accidentally omitted or changed when you've spoken, and the result has been a bit odd? I made the small but significant linguistic mistake during the Yule dinner. I was helping myself more potatoes which my mother commented. My answer: "I'm a poor student. I have to eat for two now that I can." Can you fill in the missing 'as if' in the sentence? You should have seen the look on my mother's and my sister's faces. I think only my brother didn't even notice anything peculiar in the sentence.

The reaction and the serious faces may have been a bit less serious if I hadn't commented on a certain issue the way I did. One of the schools in town K has a headmaster who studied himself as a teacher while he was doing time in a prison for killing his girlfriend. He had been a teacher in another school before that but the parents had -surprisingly enough- smoked him out. In the school that he now leads the parents seem to have no problem their children going every day to in the same building as a convicted killer. I said (and meant it) that I would never ever allow a killer go anywhere near my underage child.

Furthermore, we watched the film 'Liian paksu perhoseksi' later on the same evening. The scene where Kaisu miscarries the child will forever be scortched in my mind. I have no doubts that I went even paler than usually, and my mother probably noticed that. I am still at a loss when it comes to the categorisation of the film: a comedy. What is it that all Finnish "comedies" are anything but funny?

So, for the record: unless you believe I am an object of immaculate conception then no, I am not pregnant.

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Listening now:
'Talking to Silence' by Sturm und Drang. I wonder what happens when André's voice begins to break?

I survived alive from my little excursion to Helsinki. I was *so* proud of myself yesterday for being able to find the right bus, get out off it at the right stop at the Railway station, and then remember where Stockmann and therefore Suomalainen is located and find my way back on time! I was probably smiling on my way back when -for the first time- I didn't have to memorise different landmarks and make sure I'm going to the right direction. Perhaps the next trip will be a bit more stress-free due to the feeling of joy and being able to do it all by myself.

The concert was, by the way, excellent. My place in C2 was a bit.. off.. but I could see just fine. And next time I'll be able to tell more precisely where I'd like to have the seat lest the standing places are sold again before I get my hands on them.

You know, Anette is very different from Tarja. Tarja had this relatively calm way of walking on the stage in many different goth dresses, whereas Anette jumped up and down, danced and -as far as I'm concerned- made the audience (no matter how far) feel like she was right there next to me glowing that energy to me as well. I like her. The thing I was a bit apprehensive about was the new version of the old songs. I guess I have trouble with change, but let it be known I was wrong. The new versions are just fine, some even better than before (like 'Everdream').

Oh, the track list was as follows:
1. Bye, bye beautiful
2. The cadence of her last breath
3. Dark chest of wonders
4. Everdream
5. Whoever brings the night
6. Amaranth
7. The islander
8. The poet and the pendulum
9. Sacrament of wilderness
10. Sahara
11. High hopes
12. Nemo
13. Seven days to the wolves
14. Wishmaster
15. I wish I had an angel

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Listening now:
'Between Love and Fire' by After Forever (Dutch female-fronted goth metal bands, anyone?). Makes me as the same thing as noksu; Aime t-on nos enfants autant qu'on le prétend? I'm afraid the answer is more often no than yes.

I rated my blog again (see some previous entry). The results: mainly NC-17 with four Rs. All this based on the presence of the following words (totals):

Abortion: 4
Bitch: 2
Bomb: 1
Dead: 11
Death: 24
Drugs: 1
Fuck: 15
Fucking: 22
Hell: 47
Hurt: 3
Kill: 15
Knife: 2
Pain: 8
Piss/Pissed: 5
Porn: 1
Punch: 3
Rape: 3
Sex: 44
Sexy: 3
Steal: 1
Suicide: 25
Vagina: 4
Vulva: 3

Now I would get one more R for putting all these up here. ;)

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They (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/) say I could take twenty-two five-year-olds in a fight. Nice. But why would swarms of kindergarten kids want to attack me in the first place?

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Oh, that's interesting. And very provocative. This Serj Tankian video I'm watching, I mean. They have a kid building two high towers out of building blocks and then some other kid trows a toy air plane at them, making both of them come tumbling down. WTC, anyone? Now I'm going to end op some American 'potential terrorists' list and they block my blog. Heh, Serj looks like Tony Salhoub as Ian Stark. I like the coincidence. Oh, 'Empty walls' the song is called.

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Couldn't resist... http://www.blogthings.com/howdidyouryearratequiz/, aka. how is your year rated?

Wau, a quiz whose questions (or how they're phrased) make my year sound *nice*!

***You Had a Fantastic Year!***

Compared to most years, last year was definitely great. Overall, you're living a much better life than you were twelve months ago. And nothing is a better mark of a good year. Here's to hoping next year is even better!

Okay, so the hearing is on an on/off mode apparently. It "unlocks" when yawning. So at least it's unlikely the condition stays; the ear cavity is probably just full of bogus at the moment.

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So. The last day of this year. The year I so very much like. Have I grown as a person during the year (bear with me, I've been filling in some personality/social skills/negative thought patterns/whatever questionnaires for my therapist lately)? Bullocks. I don't exactly grow as a human being, I am moulded by the surrounding world, I just try to fight back (with varying success).

And how am I going to greet the year 2008 (or whatever the year actually is; weren't they debating on millenium what the actual year of Jesus's birth was)? I'll probably be browsing the web and watching television, occasionally visiting the balcony in hope of seeing a firework or two. My *real* new year will be tomorrow evening somewhere around ten p.m.; I'll send you people a happy new year's greeting when Holopainen & Co. walk on the stage.

And now, I need to track down some taxi company numbers for tomorrow; there have been a couple of stabbings in Kallio during last monts so I doubt I'll push my luck by seeing if I'll still be in one piece after walking for thirty minutes alone at night from Jäähalli to my aunt's place (where I'll be staying). So I'll just rather pay for a bit more safe transportation.

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Oh, almost forgot. The vibrator works.

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And have a safe new year's eve. Try not to get too wasted, for everyone's sake.

Well, the fever's gone and hopefully stays that way until the 3rd. However, I noticed today that the hearing in my right ear is worse. There are some viral infections that can cause temporary hearing problems. I do hope it IS temporary. I've had a hearing issue ever since I was a kid (they say it's genetic but I have trouble believing a hearing problem is inheritable to first borns only and always only the first ones); there was a time when a doctor told me it's only a matter of time when I'll go deaf (all the way), and then I decided to kill myself if that happened. A bit extreme (I plea the mitigating factor of being a melodramatic teenager), I know, but it just feels so unjust if I had to loose my hearing right now that I've learned to live with the decease, and with what's happened this year, and now that I have finally come to terms with what I am, and when I am finally getting over Her (I'm not kidding!) and ready to look for a serious relationship with a woman I can feel equal with. And yet I'm not angry. That's very scary because I should be making appointments to doctors who can tell ASAP what the hell caused this and whether or not it's permanent, not sitting here calmly sipping Fanta (did I mention I left out all caffeine after I found out it may cause difficulties to get pregnant when browsing through fertility treatment sites), eyeing a romantic comedy every now and then.

I'll be damned if this isn't temporary.

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Post scriptum (to cheer things up a bit): I managed to overheat my vibrator. =) We'll see if it works later on.

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PS II: Someone in the neighbourhood is already celebrating new year and decided to fire a rocket. Good news is that I had very little difficulties hearing that...