A paraphrasing of a section from "On Writing - A Memoir of the Craft" by Stephen King:
Everyone has a muse. But there's one important thing you should understand: your muse is not to be summoned, threatened or otherwise persuaded to appear when you feel like writing. The only way is to write in one place always at the same time, preferably every day. When the muse feels like hanging around giving you extraordinary ideas concerning your text, it knows when and where to find you.
My muse (I imagine him to be this androgyne albeit long-haired, tiny and lanky, mischievous elf with green hair and pale complexion) knows I spend all my afternoons and evenings at the Spot (the teacher G and Wanderer both laughed at it today). Anyway, finally (drums, please) he showed up. My Twain analysis just got one hell of a kick in the ass. Hopefully my teacher will agree with me. With that introduction she might be afraid of me, though.
Apparently a good (long and loud) cry helps. Even though I had no really good reason (one that I would have been conscious of, at least) to howl like that in the middle of the night, it helped; I've felt so cheerful the whole day. Hey, I wasn't even bothered by the tax papers I got via mail today. Speaking of mail... "Tipping the Velvet" arrived. I will now be a bad and not-so-responsible student and spend my evening reading it. Screw that exam I have scheduled for Friday, I'll go to the retake if I have to.
- - -
I had that job interview today. Terribly long way I had to walk, I would estimate it to be approximately five kilometres per side. My feet are not happy, they hurt. I think I'll continue with the worm game once I'm finished writing this. Yours truly actually got herself back on top of the list (I was temporarily beaten; but remember that a lion is dangerous even in defeat): over seven thousand points; the second has over five thousand! *malicious laughter*
- - -
I'm sure you're all very much aware of the events at Virginia Polytechnic Institute. I was supposed to write an entry on the subject here today, but as I was writing it at the Spot the teacher G walked by and I got an idea to write my NALC course's essay on the shootings; he approved the subject so I'm going to revise my writings to go for at least remotely academic approach on the matter. I had a nice idea of the introduction in the process. Not very academic, though, and may go straight to hell as I'm finished writing it; can I really relate myself enough on Cho's state of mind to write a cogent, really short story ("minuuttinovelli") on the events that took place on that campus that morning? Maybe not. But whatever the result, I *will* get the song "Child in Time" squeezed in that text, in one form or another. It would make a tolerable introduction, too. Well, we'll see.
Speaking of writing, I came across a nice definition of the essential parts of the Finnish language from the point of view of foreigners: "no future, no sex". I find it hilarious, but I also feel like I shouldn't be having fun right after acknowledging Virginia Tech's massacre.
1. Your sex?
“Half a woman, half a shadow”.
2. What is your biggest dream?
“Never-ending love”.
3. What do you hate?
“Lies”.
4. How are you feeling right now?
“Dangerous”.
5. How is your life holding up in general?
“Crash! Boom! Bang!”
6. What things do you like?
“Chances”, “Physical fascination”, “Sleeping in my car” and “Voices”.
7. What would you want to tell your crush or significant other?
“Do you wanna go the whole way?” And “Listen to your heart”.
8. Where would you want to be?
“Silver Blue”.
9. Describe life?
“So far away”.
10. Describe yourself?
“Fireworks”.
11. What would you want right now?
“Surrender”.
Should be easy to say who's the artist.
Splenetic
2
This is the first time I use that emoticon. I can't stand this... that every night somewhere around ten this black heavy veil of anxiety, sorrow and worry descends upon me. The veil of loneliness. I hate to admit it but I am lonely. Until now I've kept saying that alone and lonely are two completely different things, and that I'm alone, not lonely. Now I'm alone and lonely, and I wouldn't want to be. I don't want to be.
I'm feeling a little sad, for reason unknown to my conscious self. You know, the exam I passed without reading to it... well, I got a two out of it. I have to admit, even though I passed it and the credit is all mine, it still bugs me to know it lowers my English average. Before it was 4.5, now it's 4.1. Well, at least I remain above the limit of four. Now I have pressure to keep it above it, though, since this setback makes it more difficult. Maybe I should just go to the retake some time. Maybe next year since I'll, hopefully, be spending it elsewhere anyway. Although... someone said you can be registered to one school at a time. But what about those who do go to two universities, of course they have to be registered to them both at the same time in order to get their credits officially registered. I have to remember to check this tomorrow from someone in the administration.
- - -
Started thinking about an entry one of you wrote a short while ago, saying that their blog does not equal to their diary. I was just glancing back my own blog and came to the conclusion that I very much treat my blog as if it were a private diary, not public to everyone. On the other hand, I suppose it's different when you lot don't know me personally... well, by name at least, and you wouldn't look at me twice if we were to see each other on the street.
- - -
The Meme of the Day:
I've been a quiz maniac again. As a result I have some of them here to share with other possible quiz freaks.
Say I'm Spider-Man (90%). "You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility."
The rest...
Catwoman - 75%
Hulk - 70%
Green Lantern - 65%
Robin - 60%
Batman - 55%
Supergirl - 50%
Wonderwoman - 50%
The Flash - 50%
Iron Man - 40%
Superman - 20%
- - -
The picture, called 'A Child in Time', was made by Allexa and can be found at www.deviantart.com.
The daily rhythm keeps being messed up. I did get up before eleven this morning but going back to bed seems to be quite a challenge.
I'm listening to 'Smoke on the water' at the moment. I can't believe I haven't gotten a Deep Purple record before, this is great! My current favourites are especially 'Child in time', 'Fireball', 'When a blind man cries' and, of course, 'Perfect strangers'. Now that I'm writing that short story competition piece I've come to take 'Child in time' as my theme song; it's comforting when I have to go through some of the memories I actually hope I didn't have. They may have built my character, but still... I think it has actually been quite disgraceful from me to call myself metallist and still remaining so ignorant towards a classic like Deep Purple. Shame on me!
- - -
Well, I'll cheer up once I get myself to bed. After all, when I wake up I know I'll see Wanderer later. I've become too attached to her, I know. I actually turned down a summer job because it would have meant to be working every afternoon and evening from Monday to Friday, and that in turn would have meant no more chats with Wanderer. Next year she'll be on the other side of the world. So, from the bottom of my heart, I rather want to worry about my monetary situation in the forthcoming summer than loose the last moments with Wanderer that I have left.
- - -
I did watch the first Star Trek movie, by the way. I don't think I'll turn into a Trekkie but remain as an X-phile. More earthly action suits me better, although I have to say I liked the plot. V'Ger... Voyager. The idea of a machine turning into a living being after gathering enough knowledge of the surrounding world (which, ironically enough, was the machine's original purpose), and then starting to look for a reason for its existence. Very human...
But, extra points to Doctor Bones. His irony really works for me.
- - -
The Meme of the Day:
I was just arranging my bookcase and started thinking about books.
The book I think everyone should read:
~~~Paulo Coelho: Veronika decides to die
The book that serves the purpose of showing how not to write:
~~~David & Leigh Eddings: Regina’s song
The book that should be written:
~~~Encyclopedia of masturbation =)
The book with the nicest covers:
~~~The Nightwish book
The book I last bought:
~~~Sarah Waters: Tipping the velvet
The book(s) I last borrowed from the library:
~~~The biographies of both George Orwell and Mark Twain
The book(s) I’m currently reading:
~~~Charlotte Brontë: Jane Eyre & Paulo Coelho: The Devil and miss Prym
The book I’ll be reading in near future:
~~~Nathanael West: The day of the locust
Good night, people! I was supposed to start writing close to three hours ago but I accidentally ended up on the Klingon Language Institute's web page where I've been studying the correct Klingon phonology and common phrases. Hell, I even made up my own Klingon name. It's actually a derivative of my Earthling name, but ah well. If someone got a spark to make up their own Klingon name, I suggest you to google the KLI; for some reason, using the URL www.kli.org bounces you to some Swedish site, at least it did that to me a while ago.
Originally I was just looking for translations for "I love you" in different languages and came across with Klingon. I had heard of it before but -I am ashamed to admit- I have never seen a single Star Trek movie. I think I'm going to fix that situation tomorrow when I storm to Filmtown to rent the first movie. Can't wait! It's, by the way, the Councellor Azetbur in the picture below, the only female leader of the Klingon empire.
- - -
So. Friday the 13th. I've heard several theories of the origins of the combination but as far as I can remember I've never had a particularly bad day. Actually, it tends to be the other way around: my life seems to flourish of 13ths colliding with Friday. I've had an excellent week this week, culminating today on social interaction, finding more than enough source material for next week's exam and the essay on "The man that corrupted Hadleyburg", not to mention coming up with a nice topic for an essay for another course. The latter essay isn't obligatory, though. But if I do write it I "will do better in the exam", as the teacher G put it. Works for me; almost anything to relieve the stress caused by the three-hour exams we have to sweat through. {Qapla'} to me.
Did you know the official name for the fear of Friday the !3th is paraskavedekatriaphobia? Not as weird as hexakoslohexekontahexaphobia, the fear of the number 666. My personal favourite is hippopotomonstrosesquippedahliaphobia; it refers to the fear of long words. Oh, the irony… rotfastic!
- - -
The Meme of the Day:
I found a nice, Finnish quiz site. It has numerous quizzes covering several areas. Here are some of my results; it's, by the way, due a test in the language section why I wanted to look up the "I love you" translations. In case you were wondering my motives.
www.visakisa.com
Enkelit – 52 %
I was surprised I did this well.
Jatka laulun sanoja – 43%
All the Finnish classics, both past and present.
Harry Potter – 83%
Actually, I was right in the other of the two questions that got marked as "wrong". The question was ambiguous; after all, time is constantly changing and what once was "the latet" isn't latest now.
Muumit – 74%
I managed to mix two central characters. I think I slap my hand over my eyes in frustration more than once.
USA:n osavaltiot – 20%
If you know all the states and their capitals you'll do much better than me. At least you're more unlikely to name the capital of Pennsylvania to be Transylvania (couldn't resist...).
Mitä kieltä – 79%
There were a few quite surprising things I learned as I listed "I love you" translations. I found that particular test very interesting.
Salaiset kansiot - 100%
What a surprise... the questions were so easy... maybe some day I'll make my own and far more difficult X-quiz.
I have a really twisted subconscious mind. The other dream I remember from last night... hrrr. Someone mentioned yesterday Saw III, and then I dream being a possible target of his.
I was in a familiar house with him, under that threat and he let me go. I run out of the house, it's obviously night since it's pitch black outside. I keep running the snow-clad street, sure that he's coming after me. At some point I slip, and as I have no strength left ot get up I try to crawl forward, sinking my nails in the icy surface of the road. I hear noise behind me and as I turn around I am sure he's there. Instead there's a punch of strange women who came to help me. The last thought before waking up (at six a.m.) is the incredible sense of relief: I'm safe.
Funny how it's always women who help me or are the ones I go to when I need help. Some time last December I had a similar dream. In it I go to my apartment but as I go to one of the rooms a strange woman with her child come in asking me who I am and what I'm doing in their apartment. Despite of me having the key they just throw me out. As I'm puzzled, and questioning my existence, I decide to go and stay at my relative's place while I sort out the situation. But when I arrive to that house, instead of finding my relatives there, there are a punch of kids with whom I had played for quite a while earlier in that dream. But they don't recognise me, they've never heard my name before and have no recollection of ever even seeing me before. And somewhere in the twilight zone, between being awake and asleep, I remember thinking that I have to find one of my teachers, Her actually, that She knows who I am.
- - -
I had a job interview this morning. Well, actually it was a sort of a... pre-"job interview" interview at Varamiespalvelu. I think it went quite well. We'll see if it has some considerable consequences in the near future. In the meantime, I'll do the translation exam for Harlequin when the time comes.
- - -
I had a long talk with Wanderer yesterday. It appeared she's had dinner with our beloved president Tarja Halonen. I was so much in awe because of this tiny piece of information that I completely forgot to ask her, why she was invited to have dinner with Halonen. Maybe I'll remember to ask that some time next week, I didn't remember it today when I went to say goodbye to her (she doesn't live here, although she teaches here, for the time being, anyway). Speaking of which... Wanderer won the Lecturer of the Year -award this year. That makes her the first female teacher to receive the award. One other English teacher has dominated the vote for years but I would say his reign has ended. I still don't see what's so special about him. Despite this fact a male friend of mine, whom I saw today (the catching-up took about an hour), keeps making fun of my spot in the English department being due to my alleged affair with the teacher G. Yeah, right... Not in this lifetime.
- - -
Kjell Westö was lecturing today in my town. Alas, since the communication isn't very obviously exactly working I had no idea of the thing until I opened my computer an hour after his presentation on the other side of the town had started. I'm pretty annoyed: I would have been more than interested in knowing the perspectives of a Finlandia-awarded author on writing. Damn it! I mean, these occasions are not exactly common in my home town. Ggggrrr... I'm going to write some response to whoever is responsible for updating my town's home pages.
- - -
I saved Deep Purple's collection album today from a sale. I've been now humming and whispering and singing their classics all evening. Especially 'Perfect strangers'. I love that one. Also gained more prestige after Mr. Koivunen sang it in Idols. it was the first song I heard sung by him. Until the first final round I had just ignored the whole Idols, mainly because the previous season was so crappy. Then a friend of mine I hadn't seen in a while told me to watch one episode. I did: as Ari sang I was just sitting there in front of the TV, paralysed, with my mouth open. Once he had finished I was in a trance-like state for a second before jumping up and starting frantically looking for my cell phone to vote for him. Watched every single episode after that, except missing the Scorpions cover in the finals; I hope I had had the possibility to hear it myself.
- - -
The Meme of the Day:
I have no idea who performs this song that I keep hearing from the radio. Anyhow, it has a nasty tendency to scorch itself on my memory and keep interfering with my inner jukebox.
Okay, this is really long so feel free to skip it. I wasn't too fond of writing it either but since I couldn't come up with anything else for the Meme...
The first piercing/tattoo: About four hundred days ago.
The first credit card: Don’t have one.
The first enemy: The first person I consciously labelled as an enemy… one Heidi.
The first concert: Apart from the obligatory religious concerts at school… Nightwish 26.12.2005.
The first artist you remember hearing at home: I’m not sure it was the first… Turo’s Hevi Gee or something similar it was.
The latest long road trip: Two hours in a car exercising my patience as I had to listen to Yölintu the entire time. The longest two hours I’ve spent in a car.
The latest kiss: I’ve been kissed, but *I* never wanted to kiss any of them.
The latest library book you read: Collected prose of Kate Chopin.
The latest movie you’ve seen: I just watched Amelie, again.
The latest phone call: Can’t remember. I suppose it was last Thursday.
The latest CD you played: I’m listening to Metallitotuus by Teräsbetoni.
The latest thing to annoy you: The ‘vulgate’ mistake in the exam keeps bugging me.
The latest substance you’ve drunken: I’m drinking my mix of Sprite and Pepsi Max.
The latest nagging: There’s been lately a lot of complaining and pure anger towards me but no nagging.
The latest website you’ve visited: The worm game for girls; I wanted to check whether I’m still on top of the list (I am… =D).
I am: pretty happy with my life in general at the time being.
I want: good grades and a summer job.
I have: Tipu/Tweetie on my desk.
I hope: I get what I want. And world peace. *waving*
I hate: drunken people.
I hear: “taivas lyö tulta yläpuolellamme/ kaikuu kallioilla äänii totuuden/ verivalan taika on aina suojanamme/ tuo merkki metallisen veljeydeeeeeeeeeen…”
I’m thinking: of going to bed.
I love: …I’m going to regret this… Wanderer.
I am hurt: because someone I care about is being mistreated by her colleagues.
I’m always: a little out of it.
I’m not: very patient at times.
I dance: when I know I have a tolerable summer job.
I sing: “sydän vahva kuin metalli…”
I cry: out of sorrow and out of joy.
I’m not always: normal even in the broad sense of the word.
I write: prose and blog entries.
I win: rarely (although this is a point-of-view question).
I loose: See the previous answer.
I’m confused: by myself at times.
I need: someone to confide in perfectly.
I should: have a friend.
Do you keep a diary? Blog is a diary, so yes (more or less regularly, anyway; I’m like a spree killer when it comes to adding blog entries…).
Do you think cooking is fun? Cooking? No. No satisfaction.
Do you have a secret you’ve never told anybody? Don’t we all. Although I have to admit that the number of secrets has decreased for I met Wanderer. Now there only are the really dark ones.
Have you kissed someone of the opposite sex? Reluctantly. With passion? Never.
Do you like being photographed? No. You should have seen the photographer's numerous attempts to make me smile when he was taking my confirmation picture. Well, if it’s any consolation, they make me smile now.
Have you climbed a tree within the last three months? Alas, no.
Have you ever inhaled helium from a balloon to get to speak in a funny voice? No, I haven’t. I like my voice the way it is.
Do you have a crush? I suppose you could count Her as a crush.
Do you want to get married? Hopefully some day.
Do you have a tendency of sickness while travelling? No.
Are you a health enthusiast? Not exactly… =)
Do you get along with your parents? We can share a living space for a few days if no one annoys another on purpose (and a certain person isn’t drunk).
Do you like thunder storms? They’re beautiful!
The current colour of you hair? Dyed black, my own brown colour visible on top of my head.
Where were you born? 62°47'25'';N, 22°50'25''E
Your favourite …
Number? Five.
Colour: Black.
Day: Monday.
Month: September through March.
Season: Late autumn, winter and early spring. See how they're parallel?
Drink: Cold Pepsi Max, possibly with ice cubes.
Tree: All the big ones are especially nice.
Which one…
Being soooo cute or making out? Being serious (this is so me; make me choose between A and B and I choose C).
Cold or hot coco: Hot coco.
Milk chocolate, dark chocolate or white chocolate: C) The combination in Kinder eggs.
Vanilla or chocolate: C) Mint with chocolate flakes and mint jelly. That’s what keeps me from hibernating through summers.
Strawberry or rasberry: Strawberries, a little icy, covered in sugar, please.
Potatoes, rice or pasta: Pasta.
Sunrise or sunset: Sunrise has some special magic due to the fact I rarely see it.
Stars or the Moon: C) Both.
During the last 24 hours, have you…
Cried? No.
Helped someone? Helped a co-student at the IT class.
Bought something? Groceries.
Been sick? I have actually; something came and went yesterday.
Been to movies? No.
Eaten out? No.
Said ”I love you”? Unfortunately, no.
Written a real letter? No. I really should exercise that long-forgotten art of using a pen.
Spoken to an ex? No.
Missed an ex? No.
Written a diary? Yes, this blog.
Talked about something seriously? With Wanderer about the baby thing that started yesterday. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence but today it has seemed liked I’ve seen babies everywhere; in the library there was this cute toddler dressed like a Michelin man staring at me as I walked down the stairs and he stared at my feet (???) as I walked past him. Okay, got side-tracked again, sorry.
Missed someone? Yes.
Hugged someone? Alas, no. I wish I had.
Had a row with a friend? No.
Could you ever… (ed. note: “could” meaning I would do it WITHOUT resistance)
Kiss someone of the same sex? Naturally.
Go bungee jumping? Sure. The Bloukrans river, again.
Skydive? Would be interesting. The courses are pretty expensive, though.
Kill anyone? Yes, to protect myself or those I love.
Walk on steaming pieces of cole? There was a possibility to so that here last autumn. I regret I didn’t go there although it was, too, quite expensive.
Be a vegetarist/vegetarian? No.
Punch a stranger? If I had a reason to; again, to protect myself or those I care about.
Sing karaoke? No.
Get completely wasted? No, I don’t drink alcohol.
Shop lift? I have, actually.
Watch porn? Not at the moment; in general, yes.
Dye your hair blue? I actually have black-and-blue stripes in my hear.
Take part in Suuri Seikkailu/Survivors etc.? No.
Walk in public with make-up? Not if I only can avoid it.
Walk in public without make-up? 24/7 365 days a year.
Cheat in an exam? I have, actually, in seventh grade. The alternative wasn’t particularly appealing.
Make someone cry? Yes.
Stay up all night? I’m a nocturnal being. Last summer I was usually up to see the sunrise, and went to bed as the rest of the country woke up.
- - -
I found this particular Victoria Frances painting by accident. I fell for it right away.
They really are. School has started again, I can go to the library whenever I want, all the hours are as they are supposed to be. I really do like routines, any holidays mixing them are treated with utmost negativity.
As I went to the IT class today to type in that exam it appeared I wasn't alone cursing the deadline date. But after all, it went just fine. If not, I'll go to the retake. I mentioned about one of the three absent things to Wanderer today as I returned the exam; it just so happens that she didn't mean to put it there. Ah well, let's look at the mitigating factors; she's an inspiring, yet absent-minded professor with vast knowledge not only about linguistics but other fields as well. Not to mention that her heart is gold.
- - -
Do you believe in karma? That the things you do come back to you, both good and bad deeds? I was just wondering that amidst all the complains and meanness I must have done something right to have such a content life at the moment (yeah, I chatted with Wanderer today, I admit ... ;D). Or maybe Fate the Bitch has decided to make me happy just to have the opportunity to make me fall harder and higher? Well, if this is the case I will have something negative happening to me in future; today as I was paying my groceries the cashier put two items through with a lower price than I know them to be, but I said nothing. I'm a bad person.
