Ravings of an Insane Mind?

Are we outcasts
Are we just some freaks of Nature that have been coded so that our dysfunctional genes will not be passed on?
Or is this just God’s way of testing us if we are worthy of His eternal and neverending love?
Or are we what mankind defines as normal?

What if...
- being gay is nothing but a choice we make?
- this is just a test and we’d still be completely happy if we chose otherwise?
- this was really a defect if man’s genetic structure and Nature’s way of telling us that we are not welcome and wanted?

How can we ever be sure for anything?
We campaign for our rights, our right to love, our right to adopt, our right to exist. But for what? Our family will end with us, unless we have siblings to continue it. Hence we will not leave a legacy to the world in that way. Do we campaign for better tomorrow – or just to silence our own conscience?

Many of us turn to religions and faith to seek out answers. I myself chose to leave the Christian faith behind me, turning into neo-paganism. Seeking out acceptance that I found not inside the hallowed churches of the White Christ. I didn’t want to belong and support an institution that would not accept me just as I was. In that, I realize it now, I was acting just as wrong as they acted towards me. I chose to follow a path into the forest, to the bosom of the Mother Goddess.
But I do not know if I chose the right path. I don’t even know what path is right - or if there even is a right path.

I have been taught that truth telling, caring, forgiveness, and love are virtues that we should cherish. We are taught that when we are small and the priests of the Christian church continue to teach us those values.
And then, despite their own teachings the institution they preach for turns its back at us. And, sadly, I see the pagans do the exactly same thing.

And we, the oppressed GLBT-people, do it too.
We want... no, we demand equality but at the same time we turn our backs at those we don’t want to see and to those who don’t share our perspectives.

Yes, I’m gay and I want to feel proud of it – and normal. Some people make it difficult, some make it even nigh impossible. Some make us believe that they feel it’s ok and at the same time tell us in some obscure way that we should really get better and be healed.

Every day some people do get beaten up because they are different from the main population. Some do because they are black, some because they aren’t black, some because they are gay, some because they want their country to change.
Is this the kind of world we want to live in?
It seems as a world of clear injustice and racism. Maybe we should really do something to it. We cannot change the world overnight, but if we start the change today then tomorrow will be already a step taken on a road to a better world.

My genes may not be passed on to my children, and my soul might end up in Hell for all I know. But currently, while I am alive I might stand a chance to make something that has some value. It would make my life, whether it is just a genetic failure or God-given choice, worthwhile to live.

www.1705.fi

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(The above text has been written also to the English forum here in ranneliike.net few years ago but I feel it to be so important that I will blog it as well.)
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np. Loreena McKennitt - Dante's Prayer

(edited, Sun 11.03.07, 08:11)