The Other World

The end of an era, the beginning of another…

So, the lives goes on. Wanderer leaving was, as I was to find, much a bigger blow than I expected. I’ve been staying indoors the whole day, I just haven’t wanted to see or talk to anyone. And to be brutally honest... I was supposed to have an exam today (I had of course already signed for it) but I woke up after noon amidst quite a collection of used handkerchiefs, with one glued to my right cheek. Couldn't exactly go there late, so now I have to do it in September. Damn it.

Most importantly, Nyyti (www.nyyti.fi) replied my message today; it was much faster than I could hope for. Thank you, J, for your time and compassion, they meant really much to me. It is was such a relief to find you last night.

- - -

As you all probably already know, Nightwish has announced the identity of their new vocalist. My first impression of the woman (is she really 35?) is that she's very innocent-looking, childlike even. Anyway, I looked up the fact box (the one thing needful) from http://www.nightwish.com/fi/band/members/facts?id=16. We’ll see if the Nightwish web people have prepared for another tsunami of visitors as in the notorious Sunday in October 2005 and the site crushes again. But, Anette Olzon (picture below although something tells me you'll be seeing her picture a lot in near future...). Her looks still keep me sceptic but there were a few things to win me to her side; ils sont les suivants (spectacular, Martin!): she names one of her favourite is ‘Veronika decides to die’ by Pauolo Coelho and likes his novels in general. Douze points, Anette, douze points! I didn’t know she had a child, though. Well, we’ll probably know more tomorrow once all the Wikigeeks have done some digging and made a whole new site dedicated to Anette.

By the way, a 38-second sample of the new single ‘Eva’ can be heard at http://www.nightwish.com/fi/files/audio. I don’t remember them selecting a ballad as the first single before; or at least to me ‘Eva’ sounds like a ballad. Damn the person who decided to publish it in the form of a web single; I have no clue none whatsoever how to upload them. Not that it matters, I just checked www.netanttila.com/download and I don’t have the equipment to download it. I just have to wake up at 07.00 and try to tune my radio to YleX (which so far hasn’t co-operated too well with my radio); maybe I’ll end up holding the antenna up in a feeble attempt to record the song in an old-fashioned way to a C-casette. To you who are responsible for this, three words: Hab SoslI’ Quch!

- - -

The Meme of the Day:
A while ago I encountered this meme on a blog, at http://kabackma.vuodatus.net/blog/archive?m=08&y=2006 by Katri. The idea was to have a letter (with this exception they’re given by the blogger from whom this meme comes) and write ten things (in words or phrases) important to you starting with that letter and explain why they are significant to you. Since no one is to give me a letter I’ll just strike one key on this QWERTY keyboard and see what I get: T. Okay, let us begin. A warning: this may become multilingual.

Tabermann, Tommy – Okay, my awkward transition to express my love for women. I think the following summarises it nicely enough:

“Sinua minä en vaihda mihinkään,
en kehenkään!
Sata vuotta on liian
lyhyt aika saada kylliksi
sinua,
tuhat liikaa vaadittu
Ikuisesti on se ainoa oikea mitta
kun puhutaan
hikipisaroiden nuolemisesta
rakastetun ruumiin
joka kolkasta”

Tallulah – Of course, a song by Sonata Arctica. Despite the …unique… use of the English language in both spelling and pronunciation the songs are still amazing, and they can give me extra energy on a really good day or comfort me on a really bad day. I can’t wait to get my hands on ‘Unia’ tomorrow! Currently listening to ‘Sing in Silence’.

Tawel – Welsh for ’quiet’. I cannot understand the people who can’t stand being alone. To quote Tony Kakko, “It truly makes the most beautiful music/ Everything it has to give/ It’s everywhere hiding the listener/ Without it I could not live/ …Silence”.

The X-Files – Did you really think I wouldn’t be able to come up with some kind of a feeble way to include Mulder and Scully? ‘The X-files’ is just a classic, and I love the damn thing! Remember Mulder’s memorable first line in the series: “Nobody down here but the FBI’s most unwanted.”

Thunder – The meteorologists say that on Saturday afternoon I get to sit on the kitchen table with the curtains wide open and watch Mother Nature’s fireworks as the lightnings strike down and show the arrogant mankind who really holds the power on this planet.

Tolerance – This is what this world needs. An ability to accept people with different views and ways of life even if they were –and as they tend to be– different from your own. Alas, the only way to get peace on Earth is to do as the Jinniyah did in ‘Je Souhaite’ (7x21): wipe out all humans off this planet.

Tolkien, J.R.R. – To me, the embodiment of literature, especially fantasy literature. But books in general are all important to me, with their help I can learn more about the surrounding world and myself.

To the edge – A song by Lacuna coil, the band very dear to me. And Christina Scabbia is a mortal goddess, I am sure of that. A beautiful woman with an enticing voice and even speaks the language I consider as the most beautiful language in the world. “Amore sol la mi fa remirare, la solmi fa sollecita”, as I’ve written before.

Tuli – The essential part of survival and, according to http://www.mtv3.fi/helmi2005/horoskoopit.shtml/392069, fire is also my element due to my zodiac sign, although I have no idea what that is supposed to tell me. What is fire like? Destructive yet creative, beyond control. Yeah, sounds a little like me.

Turva – This is something I seek, perhaps due to my not-so-stable childhood. And safety requires, to me, to have things under control, which is why I’m such a pain in the ass sometimes.


Tallulah.

"You take my hand and pull me next to you
I have a feeling you don't have the words
I found one for you, kiss your cheek, say bye, and walk away
Don't look back 'cause I am crying

.
.
.

Tallulah, it's easier to live alone than fear the time it's over"


The Citizen Kane.

Can you believe it; I actually have T W O jobs to choose from. Wau! The other I already accepted, the pay is better but doesn't quite cross the income limit set by the damn Social Insurance Institution. Why do they have to meddle with the amount of money students make during those summer months when most of us are *not* getting any kind monetary support from them?

Anyway, I'm still thinking of the cleaning company where I had a job interview today. I only had to fill in this basic questionnaire with personal information etc. and as I handed it back they said they had already decided to offer me a place. That was very unusual! Furthermore, they said they would call me tomorrow to let me know what kind of job they've thought of giving me. Now I'm wondering whether to risk burnout by having two jobs; the other for week days, the other for weekends. Maybe I should just thank them politely for the unusual attitude they showed towards me by being ready to offer me a job just like that, but that I have had another job offer that fits my life situation better, and that maybe they would be willing to bear me in mind next summer when my employment becomes again more topical. Yes, that sounds good.

I can't believe I actually get to choose between two jobs and that neither of those has absolutely *nothing* to do with telemarketing!

- - -

I had a drink with Wanderer today. I can’t but return to what I said last Friday after the coffee with M; nothing is nicer than to have a nice, seemingly simple chat gradually becoming a profound discussion with someone whose company I enjoy. Wanderer said something I don’t quite agree with; she perceives my attitude towards life as weary. But really, I think I am actually really, truly, bluely pretty positive if not, fact forbid, downright optimistic.

Afterwards I went for a long walk; I realised I haven’t really done that in quite a while. And so I set forth a journey by the sea along a path I hadn’t used before, passing the school whose location had always been slightly vague to me as well as the court house –or court castle more like, as it seems to me. I also encountered someone I hadn’t seen for almost two years. When I saw him cycling at me I recognised him (we used to work in the same place) but didn’t expect him to remember me. The smirk spreading across his face proved me wrong. He actually nicknamed me as Tellu during those three months. The mystery remains why, since it doesn’t exactly resemble my given name; maybe he thought I’m like the namesake in Peanuts. I am willing to admit the presence of certain similar personality traits.

- - -

I wasn’t very mean today; I found three CDs on sale; ‘Are you dead yet?’ by Children of Bodom, ‘Silence’ by Sonata Arctica (I’ve been looking for this for ages; thank the gods for happenstance!) and ‘Fatal design’ by Entwine. Currently I’m listening to the latter; I think I’m in love with ‘Chameleon Halo’.

"All lies entwined around your soul
In your chameleon halo
It's all in your head but it's not your role
You've got to get away from the dark

You are the rising thunder
Deep inside you hold a violent scene
You are hate's creation
But what you really are it depends on you"

Once I got home from the walk I had to acknowledge the fact that my CD tower just ran out of space. Now I have to start either taking some of them away or to improvise another place for all of them. Well, my roommate just moved out so I guess I could take that bookcase from her former room, and put it in better use. I just have to re-arrange my room to have enough space for it. The couch is the perfect place to read during the days but sometimes I feel it’s a bit on my way.

- - -

The Meme of the Day:
See if you qualify as a real citizen according to the scientific and infallible http://www.realcitizen.info/fi/index.php, which describes my inner citizen thus:

"Tieteellinen 39%
Kansalaiset osaavat ratkaista ongelmat, kunhan käytettävissä on tarpeeksi tutkittua ja luotettavaa tietoa. Vaikeuksia ei tuota tiedon puuttuminen, vaan sen runsaus. Tiedon määrä on kasvanut niin suureksi ja tietoa tarjotaan enemmän kuin kukaan ehtii sitä vastaanottamaan. Siksi kunnon kansalainen ottaakin selvää, mistä tieto on peräisin ja mikä on sen tarkoitus.

Sosiaalinen 33%
Tämän päivän yhteisöllisyys perustuu ihmisten henkilökohtaisiin valintoihin. Kansalaiset ovat viime kädessä itse vastuussa omista valinnoistaan. Siksi kunnon kansalaisen tulee pyrkiä ajattelemaan ja toimimaan mahdollisimman itsenäisesti. Mahdollisuus valita tarkoittaa myös suurempaa vastuuta ja toisten huomioon ottamista omassa toiminnassaan.

Poliittinen 28%
Yhteisistä asioista päättäminen on kansalaisen oikeus ja velvollisuus. Vaikeatkin ristiriidat on tuotava julkiseen keskusteluun. Kunnon kansalaisena olet huolissasi siitä, että päätöksenteko on keskittymässä tavallisen ihmisen ulottumattomiin talouselämän ja poliittisen eliitin käsiin. Tästä huolimatta uskot siihen, että kansalaisaktivismi ei ole menettänyt merkitystä."


"Dentro di me non c'è niente..."

I was trying to watch "K-PAX", but I just couldn't concentrate. My mind kept wondering around the inevitable, the day Wanderer leaves. Most of the time I am consciously trying to avoid thinking of it, but I am not, fortunately maybe, able to keep control all the time. The emptiness I am about to feel... it makes me so sad, and anxious. But how can I resist it? It is bound to come on my way some day. I don't think I've been able to apply the words on my wrist on anyone else apart from myself before. At this moment I wish I could believe in some kind of an afterlife. Maybe this is why people cling to their religion so badly, to have this commonly accepted self-deceit to rely on when reality cuts too deep, when they cannot bear something without having a hope, no matter how feeble, to comfort them. I wish I had it. But inside of me there is nothing.


Rain.

What a weather! The winds resemble those of the circle number two of Dante's Inferno in their fierceness, and then it starts raining like never before. By the time I got back home from my educational field trip (the show really was great; I actually ran out of time!) to a local museum I was thoroughly, utterly soaked. Now I'm cold. Let's hope I won't get a flu as a result of today's weather, I still have two exams coming up.

Now I'll start cooking lasagne and then I'll continue with Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë; I still find boring but less now that I know the general outline due to watching the TV version of it that was aired about a month or two ago. And I get extra motivation out of the fact that once I finish it and pass the exam for which I'm reading the damn thing I don't have to think of it until next year when I'll sell it to the first person I know needs it with a remarkably low price just to get rid of it. Some student will be happy next year (and yes, I'm sure someone's going to need it because it's been the course book for at least the last thirteen years; one of my teachers said she had to read it for that course, too).


No return, I assume.

Let's think: I just watched "The Phantom of the Opera", I've been feeling there is nothing I couldn't do most of the day, and just a moment ago I was standing on my balcony staring up to the clouds and caressing the engraving in my snake ring. Guess what I'm listening at the moment? I actually had this feeling that I hadn't thought of Her... well, s p o k e n of Her here for a long time. Then I checked and realised I just mentioned Her four days ago. As said, time is an illusion.

"I'm gonna run to you,
I'm gonna come to you,
I wanna find you in everything I do..."

Roxette: Run to you

There was a time, not long ago, when I had reached a level of some sanity and realism. This lapse, however, was only temporary. I still want Her, even though I'm far more conscious of the impossibility of this all. Why is it so difficult to let go? Why can't I open myself to other women? Why I can only think of Her in this way, with the will to do almost anything for Her?

I should stop writing about this, it's like throwing gasoline on a flame. Or maybe I shouldn't; my mother has definitely proved that things don't go away just by ignoring them.

Damn it.

- - -

"Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone"


The play is done.

(insert an exited scream here)

- - -

I've got a summer job! I've got a summer job! Happy! Happy! Happy! I just found out an hour ago. Can you believe it?! I already had a job interview for Monday but I guess it's now somewhat useless, since on Monday I will also be going to Adecco to sign the contract and going through all the details. I RULE!

- - -

The day's been very good otherwise, too. After our very last NALC lecture (where I appeared late; seems to be something I do every single final lecture of the term every year) I went to have coffee with M. I've mentioned her before: she's the one to say she's not coming on to me but has to come closer in order to see the blackboard behind a very misplaced column in the lecture room. We talked over an hour; I don't think I've ever really understood the satisfaction one can get from simple human interaction. I've been living under the stone for far too long. And I'm not even planning on returning there just yet; the museum week is currently going on, and I decided to go to the local museum tomorrow. Why is it that when you go abroad the first thing most people do is to go to a museum but never bother to see what a building about a ten-minute walk away can offer? Anyway, the shaman show is what draws me there, and the series of underwater photographs. Too bad the films were shown on Wednesday, it would have been interesting to see a documentary of volcanoes. Why we never watched nature documentaries at school? Well, at least we have YLE. Which reminds me... I have to remember to pay the TV license bill once I finish this. And then I’ll start watching the latest version of “The Phantom of the Opera” on DVD; it’s been too long.

I also have to remember to invest to a bike. It takes close to an hour per side to my future work place, and I don't think it would make me jump out of mere joy (like today at the church's park when I found out I got the job) to walk in a literally breathtaking summer heat with a heavy bag for an hour on my way to work or back home. And with my first paycheque I'll be getting new shoes; the ones I wear at the gym are getting... well, in a while they'll probably look so very happy once they're torn asunder after some Combat class.

- - -

I, by the way, allowed myself to pay a visit to Suomalainen, again. I went there to get Frida Kahlo's biography. In addition to that pocket book, I found a book I bought *only* for the cover and the fact that, when I opened it up from a random page, the first word to catch my eye was "dragon". Might have something to do with my dream last night in which I tried to catch a red dragon (and no, I doubt this includes any kind of subconscious reference to Thomas Harris or William Blake). The book is cover in dark green velvet, in a similar way as the Nightwish book is. It's written by Debi Gliori and is called "Magiaa mennen tullen". It also has a nice Nessie silhouette on the cover. It's a fantasy book I found from the children's section; I think I'll like it.

What is it, by the way, that some people in the staff offer their help without asking? I don't know, maybe I spent too much time there, or perhaps I looked otherwise suspicious. Well, if his goal was to drive me out quickly, then congratulations, it worked. I just wish I had asked him why he thought I needed help. Hell, I go there so often one would think they all recognise me by now and know I always go through the entire store even if I had already found whatever I came there for in the first place. Impulse shopping, people; besides, it pays *your* paycheque, so stop harassing the customers, especially me! If I need I'll ask myself, end of story, goodbye, the end.

- - -

The Meme of the Day (although something tells me I’ll be blogging again later):
Mikä on henkitraktorisi? From http://www.rikos.net/quiz4.htm

“Henkitraktorisi on Valmet!

Sinua varjelee Valmet-traktorin henki. Tämän henkitraktorin suojelemia henkilöitä pidetään joskus synkkinä ja vaikeina, vaikka todellisuudessa he vain haluavat yksinkertaisesti pitää puolensa tässä kylmässä maailmassa. Asennetta ja sarkasmia löytyy vaikka muille jaettavaksi, mutta ystävistään ja rakkaimmistaan he pitävät hyvää huolta.”

A goofy meme for a goofy day. Grin and bear it, baby!


It's a girl!

Last night, somewhere between one and two, my aunt finally had her first child. She gave birth without aenesthetics because many other kids had decided to get out expolre the world last night as well, and there was quite a pandemonium with shortage in the staff. Maybe it has something to do with the full moon ("... and he's not a man anymooooore...") on Wednesday. Anyway, they're both okay and now the next suspenseful event will be the announcement of the girl's name.

Yay, I'm a cousin for the fourth time! And this time the kid actually lives close enough for me to watch her grow, maybe even affect her somehow. And learn to be around babies (and no, that baby fever of mine hasn't yet worn off).


"Milloin olit viimeksi yhdynnässä ja oliko se nautinnollista?"

I have got to share this with you! This is so funny, and deliberating. Go and share your problems to Herr Doktor Klik at http://www4.hs.fi/psyykkikone/psykobotti.html. Have fun!

Below I put some excerpts of my half an hour discussion with the wannabe-Freud.

- - -

- Mistä muistisi katkeileminen saattaisi mielestäsi johtua?
- Mietitäänpäs… hmm.. kas kummaa, en muista.

- Olet kovin negatiivinen. Milloin olit viimeksi yhdynnässä ja oliko se nautinnollista?
- Aha, sitä ollaan Freudin koulukuntaa. Ensinnäkin, "yhdyntä" on liian heterokeskeinen sana lesbolle. Toiseksi, seksi tai sen vähyys eivät välttämättä korreloi negatiivisuuden kanssa. Vaikka kesällä on paljon hukkumiskuolemia ja kesällä syödään paljon jäätelöä, jäätelön syönti on harvoin syynä yhteenkään hukkumiskuolemaan.

- Et kuulosta kovin varmalta.
- Nicht verstanden.

- Miten sanoisit tunteesi toisin sanoin?
- Vituttaa.

- Ihminen voi kasvaa vain kivun ja tuskan kautta. Millä tavalla sinä olet kasvanut ihmisenä?
- Minulla on tatuointeja, dysmenorrea ja lippu Tuskafestareille.

- Oletko aivan ehdottoman varma?
- Aikuisten oikeesti.

- Tuo tunteesi asioiden ennaltaelämisestä on tässä yhteydessä mielenkiintoinen. Mikä on varhaisin seksuaalinen muistikuvasi?
- "Tunteeni asioiden ennaltaelämisestä"? Ilmiötä kutsutaan deja vu –nimellä, kultapieni. Ja taas sitä lipsutaan Freudin ajatusmalliin. No, todennäköisesti se liittyy jollain tapaa masturbaatioon. Tiesitkö muuten, että kyseinen termi tulee latinan sanoista "manus" (suomeksi siis "käsi") ja "stuprare" ("liata, saastuttaa")?
- Mitä arvelet sen kertovan sinusta itsestäsi?
- Se, että tiedän masturbaation etymologian, kertoo mitä alaa opiskelen yliopistossa.


HADAL!!!

You know what?! Velcra will publish a new album at the end of May! I can't believe I actually have managed not to hear about this until now. Oh, poor Teacher G, "Hadal" comes out the day prior to his exam on 31st. Well, too bad. A new album! YEEHA!!!

http://www.velcra.com/ - the cover of 'Hadal'.
http://www.myspace.com/velcra/ - the rest.

- - -

"I'm the slap from your loving father's hand
a mindless order you can't understand
I'm the pleasure that causes a lethal addiction
craving turned into a destructive conviction
I'm the friend who betrayed your trust
the sentence that proved the world is unjust
I'm the rumour that spreads when you're lacking defense
the final revelation that stole your innocence"

From 'Shine for me' from 'The Consequences of Disobedience'