Let's think: I just watched "The Phantom of the Opera", I've been feeling there is nothing I couldn't do most of the day, and just a moment ago I was standing on my balcony staring up to the clouds and caressing the engraving in my snake ring. Guess what I'm listening at the moment? I actually had this feeling that I hadn't thought of Her... well, s p o k e n of Her here for a long time. Then I checked and realised I just mentioned Her four days ago. As said, time is an illusion.
"I'm gonna run to you,
I'm gonna come to you,
I wanna find you in everything I do..."
Roxette: Run to you
There was a time, not long ago, when I had reached a level of some sanity and realism. This lapse, however, was only temporary. I still want Her, even though I'm far more conscious of the impossibility of this all. Why is it so difficult to let go? Why can't I open myself to other women? Why I can only think of Her in this way, with the will to do almost anything for Her?
I should stop writing about this, it's like throwing gasoline on a flame. Or maybe I shouldn't; my mother has definitely proved that things don't go away just by ignoring them.
Damn it.
- - -
"Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone"
