I was reading by the church. There were so many students in overalls and caps walking past me that eventually I ended up following them to see where they were all going. Of course I had had my e-mail filled with messages advertising all possible events over the holidays the university's student union offers this year but I had not looked them anywhere near closely (or with enough interest) to remember what was happening and when. They were all gathering behind the court house. There were so many of them, in groups talking and laughing and drinking. Somewhere further away there was a van playing music (don't ask me what, I'm not the best person to guestimate the performes of latest disco pop bubblegumpink chart hits... X-Perience doesn't qualify for "latest" ;D). It's pretty sad when you think about it. Plenty of soon-to-be-acquaintances all over the place and what do I do? I walk past them knowing there's no point (not that I could know for sure if I never try) to join them as I'm not social but an absolutist (in Finland, those two are each other's opposites). To quote my beloved sister, I am a... "sosiaalinen perse".
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You know, it finally dawned to me what exactly bugs me the most about this tutoring issue I have going on at the moment. It's not that I'm not a "real" tutor. It is that my sister is a tutor, too (a "real" one to add to that): I cannot go to the tutor social gatherings as I know for a fact she will be there. Why did she come here; all I wanted was a place where I wouldn't have to be burdened by my past and, if I chose to and *only* if I chose to, I could share the past and its selected parts to those I feel I can confine in. Now I have teachers asking me how my mother is doing even though I haven't told anyone at the university about anything else than my father's death.
As a more or less conscious result I was considering -for the first time ever while I've been living in this town- to move elsewhere. Alas, I have the university to finish... but there are plenty of people who don't live here and yet manage to complete courses. Why wouldn't I? Or how about taking a year off; working the year in that "some place else"? Well, to be honest, the "some place else" would have to be Turku. I do not want to move to Helsinki (..hrrr..) but Oulu is no improvement. To qoute Adams: BELGIUM!
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Amidst the all too bright mood, "Dinner at Deviant's Palace" á la Cradle of Filth.
