I had a lecture with Her yesterday. I was on the verge of tears the whole time. Like there was something in my throat making me unable to breathe properly. And every look at Her, Her eyes or Her hair... everything made that something just expand and making it even harder for me to breathe. In the end I was nearly crying and ended up almost running out of the class room after the lecture was over. It hurts so much more than I thought it would, to be so close to Her and be confronted by the fact that she's out of my reach.
Right now I regret lending my copy of The Hours. I could use that story to reflect my feelings into and cry along with the women for the ignorant responses they get when showing their genuine feelings.
Even the mere memory of Her... seeing Her face right their in front of my eyes... it makes me so sad... now I'm really crying. I have to go home, maybe I'll feel better in a place that I find safe.
