Student loan: 2,700 €.
Summerjob: appr. 3,000€
I'm tired. I'm tired physically, and I'm tired mentally. I'm tired of my life as it is. I should be content: I have a great summer job, I no longer have to worry about my father's alcoholism, I study at a university and soon hopefully also in a polytechnic institute. And yet I caught myself today at work thinking through all the arrangements required to get out. To take all the money I have in the beginning of September, unofficially change my name once I get to my destination (for once my difficult name would prove useful), and take off to another country where my past isn't constantly haunting behind me whether I want it to or not. Just to take a cab and on the way to the airport just stop quickly at the police station to notify that I'm leaving on my own free will and that I wish not to be found until I decide to contact someone myself.
I suppose my mother would try to find me at first; out of habit, I guess, or because that is what is expected of her. But not because she would really miss me, not for real. After a couple of months she would get used to it, having a daughter who's not there. But really, deep down, no-one would really miss me. It would probably take several days until anyone would bother to check up on me, and that person would be my boss wanting to officially tell me never to show my ugly face at work again. And otherwise? I have no friends. No-one would cry after me because they would really want me to be there. Nice going, Me.
I need a break. I want my life to stay the same for.. I don't know, a few days. Nobody dies, nobody's born, nobody moves, nobody tries to kill themselves, nobody insinuates that what they told me about a month ago might actually be a lie, nobody disturbs my daily routines in even a slightest way. Why can't I have that? I've been through enough for quite a while.
- - -
The Meme of the Day:
My sun has set down
I dream to flee
As I suffer "the black" bleed into me
I regret every single day I ever lived in my life
I gave all I had in me
So it's time to say Goodbye
My sun has set down
It has ceased to be
The lightning that once burned in me
I regret every single day I ever lived in my life
I gave all I had in me
So it's time to say Goodbye
'Farewell' by Sentenced.
What if I've given all I have in me?
