This has been a terrible day, and I'm growing more and more concerned about my health now that I actually have got an appointment to the feared gynaecologist. But if this what I found today really is something, instead of something I just haven't noticed before... then that one month to the gynaecologist appointment is far too long. I just have to check this thing every day and if it changes in any way... I have to come up with something. I really don't want to go to the public sector when the worry concerns my genitalia, but there is no way I get an emergency appointment to any of the private sector gynaecologist, either.

I'm beginning to suspect that now, a month afterwards, the emotional stress caused by my father's death is starting to come tumbling down on me. I've been moody the entire day, even gone as far as thinking about suicide, and now I just want to go to bed, go to sleep. I've been like this before, sleeping as much as the circumstances allow me to sleep, sometimes up to fifteen hours. I didn't see it then but now I am quite sure I was depressed.

I should have more friends. Someone living close to me that I could confide in, no matter how tiny the thing causing me anxiety, someone to give me a hug when I'm feeling down like this. But it's my fault I don't have a friend. I'm just not easy enough.