Didn't think it would be this complex. Nice to know that all the bureaucrats have such an obvious compassion to all those mourning relatives, just look at the list below:
MUISTILISTA
- ennen hautajaisia (yleistä)
* suruliputus kuollinpäivänä kotona ja työpaikalla
* kuolemasta ilmoittaminen rekisteriviranomaisille (automaattisesti sairaalasta)
* hautauslupa (käytännössä hautaustoimiston tehtävä vainajaa noudettaessa)
* kuolinilmoitus lehteen (kts. Kuolinilmoitus-osio)
* ilmoitus Postiin postin ohjaamiseksi lähiomaisille
* ilmoitus pankkiin pankkivarallisuuden oikean käytön varmistamiseksi ja tilien lopettamiseksi
* ilmoitus Kelalle ja vakuutusyhtiölle
- ennen hautajaisia (itse tilaisuuteen liittyvät asiat)
* muistotilaisuuden tilojen varaus
* hautajaisiin kutsuminen
* hautaustavasta ja hautapaikasta sopiminen (kts. Hautaustapa-osio)
* arkun valinta (kts. Hautaustapa-osio)
* siirtokuljetuksesta sopiminen (vainajan katsominen ja saattaminen saattohetkeen turhia)
* muistotilaisuustarjoilusta ja henkilömäärästä sopiminen (kts. Muistotilaisuus-osio)
* kukkien tilaaminen (kts. Muistotilaisuus)
* video-/valokuvauksesta sopiminen
* hautamuistomerkkiin liittyvät asiat (kts. Hautakivi-osio)
- hautajaisten jälkeen
* kiittäminen osanotosta
* mahdollisen testamentin tiedoksianto kaikille perillisille
* perunkirjoitus viimeistään kolme (3) kuukautta kuolemasta
* perunkirjoituksen jättäminen verotoimistoon viimeistään yksi (1) kuukausi perunkirjoituksesta
I'm writing these things, as in everything to do with my funeral and under my control, down and make a second copy to give to my sister once I've asked her if she'll do it (and once she's recovered form the shock of my designing my own funeral at 23...). I also had to put an addition to make one thing abundantly clear and to prevent a certain feature from the funeral. It would appear I'd make a good lawyer..
Lisähuomautus: hautajaiseni ovat siviilihautajaiset, toisin sanoen kokonaan uskonnottomat hautajaiset. Mikäli paikalle ilmestyy pappi suorittamaan siunauksen ennalta suunnitellusti, tai pappi suorittaa siunauksen jonkun paikalla olevan pyynnöstä sitä ennalta suunnittelematta, hän syyllistyy virkarikokseen (Kirkkojärjestys § 23). Mikäli joku haluaa uskonnollisia elementtejä sisältävän muistotilaisuuden järjestää, se tapahtuu suunnittelemastani tilaisuudesta erillään ajallisesti ja paikallisesti, ja ehdottomasti ilman tuhkieni läsnäoloa.
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Now I just have to do the rest:
*the obituaries (the preliminary one, the actual one prior to the funeral, the actual one after the funeral) and settle the newspapers they'll go
* the actual seremony and all that comes along with it: the menu (I want no fancy foods, I want good normal home-made food), the casket (important and in jeopardy of being tampered with by my mother keeping up appearances and being bothered by what other people might think of the cheapest casket... like I give a fuck.. I just want it to be simple, ecological and without any symbols of any kind.... why spend a lot of money to something that'll burn up soon), the music (VEEERY IMPORTANT!!! NO HYMNS, JUST A CERTAIN CAREFULLY CHOSEN ONES AND SIA'S 'BREATHE ME' TO GO), the texts read at the funeral and by whom (passages from my favourite books, perhaps... the poem that'll be in the obituaries, of course, a passage from Thoreau's 'Walden'), the urn (with the same requirements as with the casket) etc.
* the method of burial (cremation; I need to find out, however, if the cremation could be performed before the memorial service to prevent the casket issue, since no casket would ever be seen by anyone); the place of burial (do I need to physically have my ashes buried or can I just have a spot for the headstone in a cemetary without the ashes?); if they can be separated, where do I want my ashes to go (the sea, of course, but I suppose I should be a little more specific about that... :D) etc.
* the headstone and the payment of the spot, where the spot will be (the Lutheran graveyard or the freethinker's cemetary in the middle of nowhere... I have to pay so much 'yhteisövero' to finance the church so they can go fuck themselves about not being able to bury me there if I want to, goddamit!)
* a will... is a hand-written text signed by me enough or does that include the fucking bureaucracy, too..
Dying is expensive. I think I have to consult a funeral director at some point to find answers to these things.
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Everlasting honour for the one who recognises the statue below. Hint: it can be found at a graveyard in Rome.
4 kommenttia
Rokkihomo
5.8.2009 01:30
Did all that, not long ago.
"Now I just have to do the rest: (...)" - Yes, and then there's that one little thing You still have to "do" before Your own funeral...
Don't hurry with that one.
Torontosta
5.8.2009 03:01
I will cut all the cost. In my Will (that will be read at the second I die) is my demands. No coffins, no show, no abituaries in newspapers, greamation in plastic bag, ashes to common graund. It is free. Therefore no toombstones or blaques , nothing. For a while I might leave in friends and co- workers mind, and in time everything is forgoten.
Nermal
5.8.2009 12:45
I have decided not to let my relatives get rid of me too easily. I demand there has to be a gay choir singing Andre Lloyd Webber's Memory a cappella in my funeral, the path to my grave has to be covered with rose petals, my coffin has to be carried there in a pink-painted taxi, a couple of bottles of beer have to be barried with me in case it's just a hangover and I'll wake up. And the Pope should be present in my funeral, begging for forgiveness due to all his and his precedessors' evil words.
Splenetic
5.8.2009 21:20
Rokkihomo: I think the "do" will come quite naturally sooner or later so I hardly consider it worth worrying about. As for the hurrying... well, I might have a little say in it but in the end it's probably not up for me to decide unless I kill myself. And who knows if an asteroid would come crushing down just before I die and it would be actually the asteroid killing me, not my suicide. Damn.. that would be very disappointing if I thought anything after that... ;)
Torontosta: I wish there would be more options here in Finland. For instance, no natural burial is possible for whatever reasons, so the casket is mandatory for all. Good for the casket business, I suppose, but not much so for those who wish to burden nature as little as possible. I understand the burial business has much more to offer in USA and Canada than here on the other side of the Atlantic. The one thing in which multiple possibilities would be good, but has only three options...
Nermal: A gay choir... you better book Out 'N' Loud and time your death well... or you can "sponsor" them a lot over the years and force them to re-schedule for you funeral. ;) I was considering to have Elfman's "Ice Dance" extended played with a piano put it would be a bit too complicated. Rose petals... you have, I'm sure, demanded they are to be of a particular shade of a particular colour. Beer... how about a super powerful radio transmitter, too? As for the Pope... let's hope you're the secret child of the pope and your relatives knew it to blackmail the pope; then you just might get lucky. :)