I saw Her last Thursday. Someone might say that I can't be sure it was Her, that someone was cycling past at the other end of the lawn. But it was Her. Funny how, even before my conscious mind realises it, I recognise Her, by the smallest of clues. That there is something about Her that I instantly recognise even though I don't know what it is.
Then I saw Her again today. It felt like I could just stop right there in the middle of the road to watch Her and then close my eyes and cherish the moment a little longer. I wish I could just watch Her without Her noticing, to see Her talk about literature (because She really does seem to shine when She speaks of books) and see something behind Her mask, to wonder what She's thinking when She thinks no one is looking at Her at that particular moment.
I think I won't go forth with the "I'm not getting laid so how about a prostitute" plan. Not until I get Her out of my mind. And since it's soon been four years... I suppose I won't be holding my breath.
6 kommenttia
Rokkihomo
15.9.2009 16:27
(Didn't skip. I think she should notice You watching her.)
Splenetic
15.9.2009 17:18
Why should She? I wouldn't want Her to since whatever the expression on Her face when she'd notice me watching Her... No, I don't want to see that, sadness and pity. I never get to be with Her and I know that. But I don't want Her to tell me that. I just want to cling to the illusion that maybe one day...
And why exactly are you capitalising me?
Rokkihomo
16.9.2009 15:33
An old polite custom aside, I think You're important.
Splenetic
17.9.2009 13:02
Don't know what to say to that. One can of course debate on the semantics of 'knowing' (especially since one could say the blog's readers know more about me than most people who meet me in person) but I'm still going to claim that you don't really know me enough to really mean that. Or perhaps I have an illusion that my writings represent only the good/tolerable sides of me but others can read between the lines something completely different. Plus I haven't accomplished anything remarkable in my life, maybe never will.
But be as it may, I'm not important to Her. :/
Rokkihomo
17.9.2009 13:08
Oh no, this blog indeed expresses more than the good/tolerable sides of a nick called Splenetic...
Splenetic
17.9.2009 17:59
Okay, we clearly have very different definitions of 'good' and 'tolerable'... :)