Are we, gay people, outcasts?
Are we just some freaks of Nature that have been coded so that our dysfunctional genes will not be passed on?
Or is this just God’s way of testing us if we are worthy of His eternal and never ending love? Or are we what we what mankind defines as normal?
What if... what if being gay is nothing but a choice we make?
What if... what if this is just a test and we’d still be completely happy if we chose otherwise?
What if... what if this was really a defect in human’s genetic structure and Nature’s way of telling us that we are not welcome and wanted?
How can we ever be sure for anything? We campaign for our rights, our right to love, our right to adopt, our right to exist. But for what ends?
Our family will end with us, unless we have siblings to continue it. Hence we will not leave a legacy to the world in that way. Do we campaign for better tomorrow – or just to silence our own conscience and that little voice inside us that tells us that our life is hollow, empty, and void of any reason?
Many of us turn to religions and faith to seek out answers. I myself chose to leave the Christian faith behind me, turning into neo-paganism. Seeking out acceptance that I found not from the hallowed churches of the White Christ. I didn’t want to belong and support an institution that would not accept me just as I was. In that, I realize it now, I was acting just as wrong as they acted towards me. I chose to follow a path into the forest, to Mother Goddess, to old faith that had once been almost extinguished by the followers of the White Christ.
But I do not know if I chose the right path. I don’t even know what path is right. Or if there even is a right path. Preachers of many religions will tell you that their way is the only, the right way. How can they know? What proof they have that I do not have? Why doesn’t any of the gods reveal their plans to us, to lead us along the path towards redemption if there was but one path? Why make us all walk in the dark, letting prejudiced men preach about acceptance that they are not ready to show? Eternal questions that we’ll have no answer.
I have been taught that telling the truth, caring of others, forgiveness, and love are virtues that we should cherish. We are taught that when we are little and the Christian church continues to teach us those. And then, despite their teachings they turn their backs at us. And I see the pagans do the exactly same thing.
We, the gay people, do it too. We want... no, we demand equality but at the same time we turn our backs at those we don’t want to see and to those who don’t share our perspectives thus making ourselves racists in the process. Will we ever learn that only through acceptance shall we be accepted?
Yes, I’m gay and I want to feel proud of it – and normal. Some people make it difficult, some make it even impossible. Some make us believe that they feel it’s ok and at the same time tell us in some obscure way that we should really get better and be healed of this illness.
Every day some people do get beaten up because they are different from the main population. Some because they are black, some because they aren’t black, some because they are gay, some because they want their country to change. Somewhere they even stone people to death just because they want to live without a veil.
Is this the kind of world we want to live in? A world of clear injustice and racism. Maybe we should really do something to it. We cannot change the world overnight, but if we start the change today then tomorrow will be already a step taken on a road to a better world.
My genes may not be passed on to my children, and my soul might end up in Hell for all I know. But currently, while I am alive I might stand a chance to make something that has some value. It would make my life, whether it is just a genetic failure or Gods-given choice, worthwhile to live.