Ravings of an insane mind?

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  • Druusi
  • 28.4.2003 18:24
Are we outcasts? Are we just some freaks of Nature that have been coded so that our dysfunctional genes will not be passed on? Or is this just God’s way of testing us if we are worthy of His eternal and neverending love? Or are we what we what mandkind defines as normal?

What if... what if being gay is nothing but a choise we make? What if... what if this is just a test and we’d still be completely happy if we chose otherwise? What if... what if this was really a defect if man’s genetic structure and Nature’s way of telling us that we are not welcome and wanted?

How can we ever be sure for anything? We campaign for our rights, our right to love, our right to adpot, our right to exist. But for what? Our family will end with us, unless we have siblings to continue it. Hence we will not leave a legacy to the world in that way. Do we campaign for better tomorrow – or just to silence our own conscience?

Many of us turn to religions and faith to seek out answers. I myself chose to leave the Christian faith behind me, turning into neo-paganism. Seeking out acceptance that I found not from the hallowed churches of the White Christ. I didn’t want to belong and support an institution that would not accept me just as I was. In that, I realize it now, I was acting just as wrong as they acted towards me. I chose to follow a path into the forest, to Mother Goddess, to old faith that had once been almost extinguished by the followers of the White Christ.
But I do not know if I chose the right path. I don’t even know what path is right. Or if there even is a right path.

I have been taught that truth telling, caring, forgiveness, and love are virtues that we should cherish. We are taught that when we are little and the Christian church continues to teach us those. And then, despite their teachings they turn their backs at us. And I see the pagans do the exactly same thing.
We do it too. We want... no, we demand equality but at the same time we turn our backs at those we don’t want to see and to those who don’t share our perspectives.

Yes, I’m gay and I want to feel proud of it – and normal. Some people make it difficult, some make it even impossible. Some make us believe that they feel it’s ok and at the same time tell us in some obscure way that we should really get better and be healed.
Every day some people do get beaten up because they are different from the main population. Some because they are black, some because they aren’t black, some because they are gay, some because they want their country to change. Is this the kind of world we want to live in? A world of clear injustice and racism.
Maybe we should really do something to it. We cannot change the world overnight, but if we start the change today then tomorrow will be already a step taken on a road to a better world.

My genes may not be passed on to my children, and my soul might end up in Hell for all I know. But currently, while I am alive I might stand a chance to make something that has some value. It would make my life, whether it is just a genetic failure or God-given choice, worthwhile to live.