Okay, came back online albeit the fact that I should be in bed already since I need to get up at 5.15 and start cycling to work at six... I just fitted my entire outfit for the funeral and I have to say I'm quite proud of myself. Not once did I actually boil over in the shops, not even when I heard that the Elisabeth Shannon collection is leaving the building and therefore I had to go through the whole fuss of finding a good model and size and brand all over again. I fitted one ES pair of trousers that were otherwise perfect but as they were made 43 percent out of wool I started itching within the first ten seconds when wearing the pair. Too bad, I liked the shape. Eventually, I ended up in Seppälä to discover a new pair of pants which, as I am currently wearing them, feel really comfortable. Good that I coould find a shirt (a satin tunika, feels and looks really nice) and trousers relatively easily. And I finally get to publically wear the corset I found last December from Kappahl (or however it's correctly written). And my locket stays on display, raising questions who's inside. But would they really start asking about that, or about my personal life, in my father's funeral? Wouldn't that be, at least amongst the most traditional people, considered rather rude and insensitive?
Speaking of the funeral... I'm beginning to experience stage fright. These are my first funeral ever so I have no idea none whatsoever of how I'm supposed to behave, where to sit, whether I'm supposed to say something or go somewhere, and in what order...??? I'm puzzled. Sure I'll know after the funeral but that's a little late if I manage to act in a completely wrong way at some point. Do I need to sing the hymns? They picked them, I had no say in that (as if I had wanted to...); can I just adopt my school methodology again and merely stand up but not sing or even mouth the lyrics to pretend I'm singing? Am I supposed to cry there (still no tears out of sorrow; only a tear or two resulting in the feeling of enormous gratitude towards someone who spoke to me about this yesterday)?
Can I just be me?
4 kommenttia
Druusi
20.6.2007 09:18
I gather, from experience of great many funerals, that just be you. There's no need for theatrics, of crying the tears "because you need to cry in the funerals" - and what comes to place to sit; 1) follow others (you sit with your family) and 2) the closer the deceased, the more forward you sit.
*hug* :)
millikan
20.6.2007 12:56
It's your father so you and other immediate family should sit in front row. And at least the funerals I have been in (this is your first funeral? Shocking, I must have been in ten funerals by the age of 18...) do not involve any of that stand up-sit down routine of normal church services...so most of the time I have just sat there, going through the obvious motions but not bothering with praying or singing...(I don't cry at the funerals, which then puts me in position that I am often asked to read out those last wishes and adressit (whatever that is in English) since I am so collected)
Other people in the funeral will be coming to you to give condolences so on that you don't have to worry. Flowers and last wishes and all that...find out if they are given in the church (assuming this will be done in one) or on the grave. And if your family will be giving one together (you will be first group then). Also leaving the church with the coffin, first come the pallbearers with coffin (I assume you are not one), then the others where you are again in the first group.
Oh, and people are likely to ask you about your life. After all, in many cases it is the time when bit more distant relatives meet each other...so be prepared to the fact that people will look (and in case of my family, take note if you cry in the funeral or not) and talk. And decide if you let that bother you and just be yourself.
This is at least how funerals I have been in work, different places and families might have different customs...
Rokkihomo
20.6.2007 13:33
Yepp, be yerself.
My experience:
I'm trying not to smile or laugh unless the closest one(s) do so. I hope that doesn't sound too weird, but there are often several friends around, and life goes on... But not laughing is my rule.
I'm trying not to cry - sometimes haven't been able to follow my own advice here, sometimes haven't felt like crying at all. Then I've just kept quiet, quiet...
Having mixed emotions is... common.
Sorry for your hard time.
Splenetic
24.6.2007 16:47
Thanks for the advice. I did actually manage to read them amidst packing the things after work in a desperate attempt to catch the last bus, but didn't have enough time to comment.
And millikan, yeah, they really ("aiukuisten oikeeasti"...) were my first funeral, as shocking as it may sound. I suppose it's the result of living in a family that holds the two most essential aspects of life as taboos (sex and death, in short).
But thank you all, helped me a lot.